weirdo me

Because FB account has been "infiltrated" by loads of colleagues, I feel that I can only air my work-related grievances here. But this is going to sound really weird.

I am utterly frustrated and unhappy that I have to burn my weekday evenings and weekends for 4 consecutive days for piles of silly work that I have to do. I have been working non-stop since Wed. I haven't exactly talked to hubs, my mom (who's been here since Thu) or my sis for the entire 4 days. But on the other hand, I feel secretly proud of the fact that I have produced 2 CL speech (+submission), 1 EL speech (+submission), 80% of a "research" report, and 40% of a write-up over this short span of time. And I really feel that the quality of work is already done to the best of my ability.

And in the meantime, I am still harbouring thoughts of seeking a 出路。Working in the currently org is like being with a boyfriend who makes me feel secured, yet I don't know if I love him or not... but I do feel guilty cos the family members are really nice to me. And they are trying to make me feel reassured by telling me that marriage is on the cards.

Should I break up with this boyfriend, and go out to the unknown? A senior whom I spoke to outside the toilet the other day said he/she recommmends me to do so. They always make it sound like there are a lot of big, bad wolves out there, he/she said, but it is not true.

So, boyfriend boyfriend, we patch back for a while but is our relationship meant to last? I really don't know. Any maybe I really want to find out if I can last outside without your love and protection. And admittedly, I am scared that the thought, too. Being with you just give me too much of a sense of stability that I know I probably won't find elsewhere.

Sigh. And that's why they said love and relationships are complicated matters.