Day 5 - Bordeaux - Toulouse

And voila, we arrived at Toulouse, the Pink City. It is much warmer than Bordeaux and surprisingly, more crowded as well. It's totally swarmed with tourists and locals who are taking advantage of the superb weather. Thank God, we finally had an air-con room to stay in. Not that we needed it in Paris or Bordeaux, but it's nice to be able to sleep with the window closed and air-con on for once. Less noisy in a way. The Citadine hotel in Toulouse is much nice than the one in Paris and Bordeaux as well. Newer, bigger, and the lifts work much faster. In case you can't see it in the photo, I am pointing at the hotel. It's within walking distance to the train station, and also to the town center.

I finally realised my dream of cycling in France, even if it's only for half an hour. Mum tried to cycle as well but it has been ages since she cycled, so we went "practising" around the back street. We must have been quite a sight, going back and forth so many times. The bicycles are sturdy, but much much heavier than we thought. In the end, we decided that we better stick to the safer method of walking around town. So I said au revoir to my velo. It was a short but sweet experience.

We took a tourist train for 5 Euros to go around town. It was quite popular and people had to literally climb over the barriers once the train arrived and grab a seat quickly. It's like taking the train in the zoo, only better because we were actually travelling along the roads and alleys. It's like, the whole city is a big zoo and we are exploring it.

Ended the day with a superb dinner at a restaurant facing the Capitolium. Took a set dinner which includes an entree and un plat du jour. Took a salade grecque and les moules, plus 2 glasses of chardonnay blanc. It's super super yummy.

Couldn't resist dessert so added a profiterole du chocolat.

Total damage: 75 Euros, and maybe 10,000 calories. :)

Day 4 - Bordeaux

The full day walking tour turned out to be real fun although we had to cover long distances. The weather was nice enough, with the occasional showers but only when we were indoors having lunch and on our way back to the city centre. The small village in the region of Entre-Deux-Mers has vast expanse of vineyards. Some recently planted, others ready for harvesting. I wish we could have more time for taking proper photos. The guide moved relatively fast so we could only snap a few here and there before running to catch up with the group.

Tne grapes looked so juicy... like they are going to burst anytime. According to the guide, the harvesting period should be around mid to end September.

We had two wine tasting sessions - Chateau deMarsan and Chateau de Bellegarde. The former is the biggest around that area, while the latter is the smallest. Learnt much about the risky business of making of white, red and rose wine. Definitely made me appreciate every sip I drank. And perhaps, I will also be wiser the next time I choose a wine.

Was supposed to go Place de la Bourse with Mom after dinner, but felt so drowsy after taking the flu medicine. Couldn't find the strength to go out anymore. It's a pity cos I was also looking forward to see the night scenary, and we are leaving tomorrow for Toulouse already. Hopefully there will be a next time for Bordeaux. There is definitely a lot more to explore in this region.

Day 3 - Bordeaux

Bordeaux is by far one of the most beautiful cities in France. And I am half drunk as I am writing this. Blame this on the smooth 4.99 Euro red wine which we found at the supermarket opposite.

Spend the entire morning walking around the weekend bazaars around the town area. Wasn't expecting myself to buy clothes in France, especially since I just came back from a trip to BKK, but mind you the clothes found at the bazaars are made in Italy and France. Not "fabrique en Chine". They sell anything from dresses to lingerie. Around a picturesque cathedrale (St Michel) somemore. Need I say more? Spent more than 100 Euro at the weekend markets. Zut.

Lunch is roasted chicken with potatoes bought from a shop near the bazaar area. Yummy yum yum. In the comforts of our hotel room.

Cross over to the other side of the river in the late afternoon. The weather was superb although the wind was literally blowing the two of us away. Bought some more stuff along St Catherine, the famous shopping stretch. Oh gosh, I am starting to wonder if we have brought enough money to spend. Seriously, the clothes are selling from 2 to 10 Euros. And they are of good quality!

Dinner is hotel-cooked steak. Really, my Mom can do just anything. Like, steak in a hotel room? It was superb, combined with a bottle of red wine. Oh gosh, I hope I can wake up for the tour tomorrow. And yes, just to update, we didn't manage to book any bicycle tours. It's like the super hot holiday season right now and the only tour we could get in is a whole day WALKING tour around the vineyards. Around 12 km? Yes... I better go get some rest now...

Bonne nuit... et a tout a l'heure. :)

Day 2 - Paris - Bordeaux

Nothing significant to highlight on my second day in France. Except that breakfast was really good. Nothing beats a cup of cafe creme and pain au chocolat in a chilly morning.

We spend the morning walking around Jardin de Luxembourg, the Latin Quarters and the Pantheon. And then it was endless hours of travelling. The annoyingTGV that was supposed to take us to Bordeaux was delayed by 2 hours. Luckily we managed to jump onto another one which was heading that way. Otherwise, we would only reach at 11pm plus.

And we had to stand at the cramped doorway because there ain't proper seats for us. The TGV was wobbly (see pic for proof). But I suppose it added a bit of an artistic feel to the photo. :p

We are contemplating taking one of those half day bicycle tours tomorrow for wine tasting (if we could wake up in time and have enough energy).

But as it is, I need to recover from some internal injury - fell flat on my face after tripping on Mom's luggage. I must have looked like a really clumsy tortoise. My backpack was too heavy and I couldn't get up at all. And Mom was clearly juggling between guilt and amusement at seeing me struggle. After a few moments of "are you ok?", she burst out laughing for the longest, longest, longest time. Grrr. So much for me praising her yesterday! Growl.

Day 1 - Paris

Bonjour!

Arrived safely in Paris after a tiring flight on Emirates. Stopped over at BKK (again) and DXB before finally arriving in France - the country which still captures my heart despite this being my 4th time here.



Missing Mr. Jang terribly, and wishing that he is here as well. But Mum's good company. I've got to hand it to her. No matter how grouchy I am and how irritated I seemed, she is always in good spirits, "wowing" at stuff endlessly, eating heartily and talking incessantly. I am more amused than annoyed. And deep down, I am very grateful that she put aside her work once again for her daughter. She might claim that she wants to go for a holiday as well, but I highly suspect that she came along because she wanted to make sure that I am safe.

Well, I am really not good with words. And I don't think I will ever say it. But yes, thanks Mum. You are great. :)

Jia You!

Just back from BKK this morning. And now am at the airport once again. Mixed feelings.

Must remind myself why I want to take a break in the first place.

Focus, focus!

I love you, Deuter...

Hi. My name is Deuter. I am about 10 years old. I was with my master when she first travelled to France in 2000/2001, where she stayed with a host family. From then on I travelled with her to HK, BKK, Bintan, Batam, and many many other places. I know that she is very unwilling to give me away although I have been dirtying her clothes (the skin on my inner walls is peeling). Her parents bought me for her first France trip, and of course, she has deep feelings for me.

So what would be my fate? Would I be given away, dumped, or kept inside the cupboard for old memories' sake? Or will I be used again for shorter trips, if she can find a way to mend my inner walls?

Oh master, I will miss you when you visit France again this time round. Although I won't be there, I am sure my sister, Hayrer will be a good company. Have a safe trip and looking forward to see you when you are back (if I am still around). Love, Deuter.

A month-long break...

Went back to the colourful office today to bid farewell to one colleague who was about to be posted out. My cub was already set up. Felt weird yet glad to be back there again... to see familiar faces and be in a familiar environment. Still don't know what to expect when I officially start work in Sep. I only know that no matter what, I just need to 加油加油! And God will take care of the rest. :)

Also collected the Eurail pass today. Getting excited about all the travelling I'd be doing this month. Praying for safety, and also praying that I'd find the thing that I am looking for!

august all girls

It's confirmed. I am not patriotic. I am going to be out of town for two of the nation's most important events: National Day and the inaugural YOG.

I am going to miss Mr Jang. But Paris Paris here I come (with mum)!

The battle of the generations, or Mother-daughter bonding time?

To be continued...

9th attempt at sharing

Was having a little bit of indigestion due to overeating when I went to church today, so imagine my surprise when the sermon was on "avoiding gluttony". How apt.

Recently, I had a hard time controlling the amount of food I eat. No, am not pregnant. But my appetite has definitely increased by 30-40%. It's like even when I am not hungry, I will feel the urge to buy food and stuff it into my mouth, esp fried/oily stuff. I think that was what Rev Gan meant when he said "letting our desires run out of control".

The pleasure of eating is one of the blessings that God has given us. It is OK to eat. The bible talks about feasting in the context of a community/celebration. But it's different from gluttony i.e. eating without control or being satisfied . Our body is the temple of God, and we should glorify God with it.

Btw, having just finished reading the book which Faye gave me last year - Drawing Near by John Bevere. I confess I'd never thought I could finish the book (mainly because am not really a reader of christian books) but something inside urged me to do so. I haven't fully comprehend the messages behind but one thing is for sure - it provided a deeper understanding and I am hungry to know more.

I also recalled Faye saying that God is doing something in your heart and don't let this season pass you by just like that. Hence, have passed it on to Hwei whom I feel the same way towards. I'll just end with this song which I really like:

Holy Spirit, Come
Make my ears to hear
Make my eyes to see
Make my mouth to speak
Make my heart to seek
And my hands to reach out
And touch the world with your love

做好事,说好话, 存好心

Have been watching 宫心计for the past few weeks and admiring 三好's motto of "做好事,说好话, 存好心".

Let me add that doing good deeds, saying good things, and maintaining a good/kind heart is not as easy as one thinks and takes a lot of courage. Also, better make sure that what you believe to be"good" is really good.

And just this week, the lyrics of a hymn I used to sing a lot popped into my mind when I was feeling a little down and uncertain again.

"Grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul."

Beautiful words that teach us not to be self-centred and seek everyone to be on your side of the argument, but to constantly try to help others by giving consolation, understanding and loving whole-heartedly.

Jiayou jiayou!

8th attempt at sharing

Sloth

"Remember, it is sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." (James 4:17)

It's common sense not to be indifferent to another person who is in dire need of help and comfort. In theory. But in reality, a lot of factors affect whether we would do/say the right thing for another person, even when we know our slothfulness can lead to his/her destruction. Most of the time, the easy way out is to avoid.

But doing the right thing is a reflection of our love for God, and we must live this love over and over again, day after day.

Lust

Lust resides in the heart of everyone. While conventional wisdom tells us that it is alright as long as we don't get physical, the Bible says that unseen thoughts are equally guilty. There is a difference between looking (admiration & respect) and lusting (letting your imagination run wild).

Bible's advice to curb lust? Cut it off. In another words, don't look, don't touch, don't think.

The act of sucuumbing to lust will never satisfy your feelings of insecurity and emptyness!

workaholic?

Am so in need of getting used to the fact that my workload has been tremendously reduced due my posting out (again) soon. Just felt weird to be able to do things at a leisure pace without having to cut short conversations, stay back late etc etc. Not that I mind. Just felt a sense of...

guilt? unease? uselessness?

Oh, crap. Cut it out. Stop thinking about thinking about work all the time. And curb that constant need to be doing something. Try doing nothing for a change. Enjoy the evening breeze for once.

Reminder to self not to let life just zoom by like that. Take time to feel and enjoy it.

best (or just slightly better) graduating student

I apparently won a gold medal or something for being the best graduating student in my grad dip cohort from NTU. Truth is, the whole grad dip "cohort" only consisted of me and my colleague. The rest are masters students. And I know my results were not that fantastic either.

Er... I guess, I am only the slightly better graduating student?

Er...

Shanghai Jun 2010

There are too many photos to upload re the Shanghai trip, but here's a glimpse of what happened during the 4D3N stay at phua phua's place: good food, good company, and good fun. :) Sis the rain fairy brought rain throughout the entire trip but that did not dampen our holiday spirits!

the official pardon

Last week, just before I was about to knock off from work, the director came up from behind me and said "Grace."

Nearly made me jump. And so the awkwardness came again. Was wondering what she was going to say again this time round.

Turned out that she was ok with me leaving the organisation by the end of July (as originally agreed) and that she had gotten over it. Nobody wanted it to turn out this way, so no hard feelings, she said.

I really didn't know how to reply. So after opening and closing my mouth a few times, I just said "thank you", knowing that I looked and sounded rather stupid.

Sigh. Actually, if anything at all, I am my harshest critic. I am ten times harder on myself than anyone else.

Now that I have received the official pardon from the director, I have to work on the next person that really needs to learn to let go. Myself.

One up and one down

It was another mad, mad, mad week at work. Was on MC (again) yesterday but worked till 9 plus in the evening. Then had dinner at 10pm... such "healthy" lifestyle.

To summarise the up and down of the week (yes, just one "up" and one "down"):

Down: The talk with the director was awkward, and she made it very clear that she was not happy. To be exact, she felt "disturbed" and "short changed" by my decision, and just shrugged when I apologised for the inconvenience. Was quite a major difference in stance compared to a month ago when she said she'd respect my ultimate decision.. :( but I understand that everyone has temper, and I cannot expect everyone to agree. She does have a reason to be unhappy.

And I take comfort in the fact that even C gave me support, that "there are bound to be people talking about you, saying that you cannot make it. Don't care... just don't care. As long as you are happy and are at peace with yourself." And ML said "don't be affected. we will wait for you!" when the director said technically she can hold back the officer for transfer cases.

Thanks C, A, ML, and J for the support. Deeply, deeply appreciated.

Up: Am flying to Shanghai tonight to see queen phua phua! A good holiday with phua and sis! :)

7th attempt at sharing

Had loads of fun doing an early McDonald's breakfast and catching up on the latest with Sis, Chick and Hwei yesterday morning (yes, 9am is considered early for a SAT breakfast. Haha!)... and then had such a blast in the evening with Faye, SH and Wens at the miniest, cosiest and healthiest BBQ. Sis and Mr. Jang were totally blown away by the stuff that Faye prepared, and I must say that the food was really one of the nicest that I have tasted. And yes, the company was superb. Like I said, the attendance was small in quantity but good in quality. Too bad Alice and Lil can't join us, but am sure they were too having loads of fun somewhere else in the world with their husbands...

This week's sermon is on anger, which was again a very relevant and real topic. There are so much unintended consequences when we unleash our anger on someone else. We might regret and apologise later, but most of the time what is done cannot be undone. And if the person is unable to handle the hurt properly, those angry words can destroy and scar him/her for the rest of his/her life. Worse, it is likely that he/she would repeat the same action/words to another person, and this would eventually become a vicious cycle.

What spoke to me was Rev Song's example of a parent saying harsh things to a child, either because he/she is angry, or because he/she wants to use the reverse pyschology to "encourage" the child. Either way, this could hurt the emotional development of the child. I said this spoke to me because my mom had quite a nasty temper when she was young and I recalled very clearly that there was once where she said "why are you so useless? why do you like to make people hate you?" I think she really didn't mean it, and I was admittedly a super recalcitrant child. But that left something on me till this day, and though I don't blame her for it, there are still some parts of me that couldn't really let go. And hence perhaps, the constant need to try to seek approval (by being more responsible?) and never feeling that I am good enough or have done enough... :/

That said, I also need to remind myself that I need to exercise patience towards her. As parents grow older, they tend to be a bit more sensitive and childish (Rev's words... not mine.. haha!) and hence, we need to remember to hold back irritable words and learn to refrain from lashing out at people.

Not easy actually, but shall try my best...

The wise man spoke again...

I was bugging Mr. Jang again the other day on the same work topic.

After thinking about it for the umpteenth time, I asked, "Do you think this is a better way of phrasing it?"

"Huh... why do you always feel the need to explain yourself?"

"No mah, I just wanted to make sure that there ain't any bad feelings between the parties involved after this."

"I think you think too much of what others think. I mean, why can't people just do what they want with their lives? What's wrong with that? "

Again, I was stumped by the simplicity of his argument.

Argh. I wish I was a man.

:x

Tomorrow is the much dreaded talk (again!) with the director. Am so not looking forward to it, especially after what dajie told me at lil's wedding dinner last Sat.

But face it I must, because I feel fully responsible for it.

I will handle it with as much care as I could.

Wish me luck.

Mr. Happy

Quite recently, I asked Mr. Jang, "What must I do to be happy?"

He is obviously a much happier person than me so I felt that I ought to consult him.

"You just don't need to think too much."

"Really?"

"And you need to have breakfast."

"......."

Er.

So what makes this man happy is that he can have food and he doesn't have to think so much.

Ooook.

6th attempt at sharing

The sermons in the month of June are centred around the Seven Original Sins. Pride, envy, anger, greed, lust, gluttony and laziness. This week we are at the 2nd one - envy.

(scripture reading from Mathew 20:1-16)

The main points are:

1. A grumbler/envier always feels that he/she deserves than others.
- Perceives others as undeserving and does not rejoice in the happiness of others.
- Has an unrealistic sense of "entitlement".
- Is never satisfied nor content cos' nothing is ever enough.
- Feels that God/others have let him/her down.

2. But, God's grace and love are freely given and not based on our own "worthiness".
- God views things very differently from us!
- God is not obliged to treat others or you according to what you deemed fair.
- When much is given, much is also demanded of that person.

3. Always inculcate a spirit of gratitude and thanksgiving!

For those who are married/attached/looking for a partner, always appreciate your other half and never compare him/her with others.

Final decision

Ok - decision reversed after consulting countless people on boss' latest offer.

Prayed. Check.
Support from VIPs in my life. Check.
Internal peace. Check.

That's all you need. End of story. Stop feeling bad. Move on.

That constant request to call

I realised that I am really not good with words. The closer I am with someone (e.g. family), the more embarrassed and less inclined I am to express my feelings... I mean, I just feel weird.

Anyway, Mom sent both me and sis a separate email today telling us how much she and dad miss us, how they feel happy yet sad that both of us are married off now, and her request for me to call her more often (yes, I confess that I only call when I need to ask them something - I see the phone as a very functional tool). Sis actually teared a bit after reading the email, but I just went "errrrrr....." (like, what should I say in my reply??)

In the end, the best I could do was this:

"家家(Sis)比较喜欢讲电话嘛. We will try to fly back more often :p"
(then I attached a photo to the email, in hope that a picture really speaks a thousand words)

I mean, sorry Mom, I am really not a mushy/emotional person and when it comes to these things, I just lack the aptitude to do it. I mean, I gave Mr. Jang the same "errrrr......" reply when he proposed.

But that doesn't mean that I don't love you guys right? It's just that I don't say it in your face.

Right.

Farewell-ready

Had a fantastic girls' night out with SH and Alice yesterday evening at ION - superb dinner + yummy italian gelato. Last week was a dinner + one-on-one talk with dear Faye. Two weeks ago it was a very short but nonetheless enjoyable drinking session with Yuin Chien. Today it was catching up with good old Jeff over lunch at Tampopo.

It's like... I'm already beginning to say Goodbye. :/

I'm "the wife"

Went to meet Mr. Jang's colleague from Taiwan yesterday evening and for the first time in my life, I felt like "the wife". Was tagging along, carrying gifts, smiling politely and making small talks. Not sure what made me make the connection but for a brief moment, I had the vision of world leaders greeting each other during official visits, and then there at his side, a few steps behind, would be the spouse giving the gentle nod and smile, acting like a 小女人, supporting the husband silently.

It was really quite funny...

Doing it... my way

I made a rather major decision a couple of weeks back. Not sure if the decision could be rated on a right-wrong/good-bad scale, but felt a sense of relief after letting it all out. Had been thinking about it for some time but never found the courage to do so. A lot of people asked me "so what was the breaking point?" I seriously don't know. I only know that something suddenly hit me and I realised that I really just cannot go on like that.

Was work too much to bear? Not really. Think I've been handling it quite well. Was it because I wasn't interested in the issues that I was handling? Don't think so. Anyway the job scheme requires officers to be flexible about the issues that they are handling. One can't be choosy anyway. So was it because of the work environment? Am not sure. Of course, there are protocols to follow and a certain level of rigidness but ain't it the same for all other mins? So what is it? I really can't pinpoint to a particular reason. All I know is that I need a change in environment. Somewhere where I can start afresh and be able to re-prioritise things in my life. Could it be an early mid-life crisis? Perhaps when people reach a certain phase in life, questions like "do I want to live like this?" and "is there something I can do to change it?" will start popping up.

Most people I spoke to said that it's a pity, esp given what I have built up in the past 2.5 years. Thing is, knowing myself, I follow feelings more than logic. And right now, I feel that things aren't right.

Ok maybe I am being too idealistic. But then I do want to try and chase after my kind of ideal life. At least, I try right? And it takes courage. I can't totally extract myself from what society deems as the "correct" thing to do. There is a constant need to justify the decision... even to myself. But naive as I may be, I am willing to take the step.

As the song goes, "if I fail, if I succeed, as least I did as I believe." 5 years down the road, I will look back and said that this is the best decision I have made. Because I did it my way.

To be a parent or not

Finished the last round of PA training session on public speaking with Diana Ser today. Wanted to post a photo of the session here but seriously, no one will look close to decent beside her. I have become a fan because she is so pretty! And she's got substance. It was the second time that I was sitting in and I was not bored at all.

Fave line of the day: "No matter how good you are, how hard you try, there will be a portion of the audience who will absolutely hate you. What do you do? Go to your room, lock the door, cry into your pillow, wipe your face, then go out again."

I like that. Rephrase it into i) you can't please everyone, ii) it's ok to feel sad, and iii) move on. Period.

She also gave two good parenting tips. One, make your child FEEL as if they have made the decision themselves. And two, sometimes, to communicate means NOT to communicate at all. Let your child reflect on the situation themselves.

We spent the afternoon with baby Claire who came by with her parents for a swim. For the first time, I truly realise how much committment and energy bringing up a child needs. I absolutely have no idea if I am ready to take on such responsibility, despite my self-proclaimed goal of closing shop at 30 years-old. I have no confidence at all in communicating with children, to maintain their attention and strike the balance between teaching them and playing with them.

Gosh. If only I don't have to go through the child's growing up age, and he/she heads straight to the adult phase where I can communicate with them in a rational manner.

Will I ever, ever be ready?

Sweetness from an almost stranger

I have set up an office FB account because I got to join a FB group for work and didn't want to scare people with my usual grouchy self. Have added a lady who has left before I came in as friend. I met her only once or twice when she came back to hand over something.

Have really refrained from posting grouchy/suicidal posts on this account because really, it was for a functional purpose. Therefore, was quite surprised when one day she PM me to ask me how I was and to take care. Perhaps it was because I felt that she was really a very nice lady and wouldn't tell on me, so I ended up telling her about the heavy workload, the ppl etc. The correspondence continued for a few days, and she was always very encouraging, giving me tips on what to expect from who and who etc etc and telling me that if it's really bad, just leave because someone she knew actually jumped because of stress.

I mean, to have her show even the tiniest bit of concern, when I almost don't know her at all, really make me marvel at how such kind souls still exist in the workplace today. If everyone is as nice as her, work and life in general will definitely be much more bearable and enjoyable.

My Thursday

Here's the evidence that I've always been an uptight kid. Barely one year old and I'm already having the "eeeeergh" expression with clenched fist.



Suay suay tonight is the only night that I didn't bring my laptop home and was asked by my AD to send one submission for clearance. Chased by media again for the umpteenth time, and wasn't able to concentrate on my long awaited steamboat dinner. Yes, that was the reason for my broken telephone line syndrome... wasn't really listening the convo. Sorry guys. hee. (sheepish)

Anyway, no matter how bad or good the day has been, it is still a day that the Lord has made. Will rejoice and be glad in it! And what's the other song? Yes, He holds the future and I can face tomorrow because He lives!

Jia you!

With a pinch of salt

Had to work this morning cos we were running a training session for the PAs. Thank God the session ended on time. Managed to grab a short lunch with Mr. Jang before heading off to meet Faye at Parkway (missed her so!).

Anyway, we went to this cafe in Katong called "with a pinch of salt". Food and price were quite OK (similar to "everything with fries") but what attracted me was the decor. There was a kind of girly cutesy feel to it. It was quite deserted when we reached cos they had just finished a birthday party for kids and were cleaning up the place.

Anyway, not recommending the place if you are looking for good food, but it's a nice enough hangout if you want to just chit-chat over simple drinks.

My not-so-bad-afterall Wednesday

Ok, I know I looked super 披头散发+油腻+包包脸 (read: horrible) here but these are the stuff that would brighten up my day. The green bag I was holding contained half a fluffy cheese cake, which we finished this very evening. Yep, me + Mr. Jang + Sis. Sis refused to be in the photo cos she claimed that she looked terrible. As if I looked any better.

Anyway, thanks to Hwei and JY for the SMSes today. Simple SMSes but they lifted the corners of my mouth on an otherwise grumpy face.

Mais pourquoi...

Took MC again today cos the headache that had been bugging me on and off since last Thu got worse. Only way to relieve it was to smack the top of the head continuously, but this almost always got me scolded by either Sis or Mr. Jang. I hope the pain killers from the doctor works.

I must really really jiayou. Cannot go on feeling drained and falling sick all the time.

But am already exercising quite regularly, eating healthily (or at least made the attempt to), and sleeping as early as I can on regular days. It can't possibly be a mental illness cos despite the usual grouchiness towards work (which I think is quite common), I think I am generally a happy person.

So what the heck is wrong with me??!

Easter Sunday

It's Easter Sunday today. The church was packed this morning because we had a combined service instead of the usual 9.30am/11.30am slots.

Congrates to Al, who got baptised this Easter. Praise God!

Not sure if it's God's way of speaking to me but this morning's sermon about fear and faith was wonderful. And as if it wasn't enough, when we went for Rev Gan's mother's funeral this evening, the pastor talked about not just having faith (信仰), but to have confidence (信心) as well.

I don't have confidence that I will be able to meet people's expectations all the time, but I have confidence that wherever He leads, He will provide. He won't dump me in a place and leave me there to struggle and rot by myself.

So thank you again, Lord. In Your time, You gave me enough setbacks to remind me to be humble, and at the same time you inject encouragement and praises here and there to help me go on. You are simply wonderful. :)

A very enjoyable Saturday

Had a wonderful Saturday R&R-ing with Mr. Jang. Woke up at 11.30am and after taking my own sweet time to wash up, we headed to Orchard 313 in search of The Pink Dress for Sis' wedding in May. But alas, no such luck. Not even after shifting our operation to Takashimaya. Now I realised now much my own jiemeis had gone through to find That Royal Purple Dress for my own wedding earlier this year. (Sorry, ladies!)

On a separate note, JOOP at 313 was having a sale and I bought 4 tops and a mini skirt for a total price of $50 within 30 mins. I love a good sale, especially when there was a big sign at the door that said "nothing above $19.90". :D

Mr. Jang and I also officially started our mattress hunting today. The current love of our lives is this super comfy mattress at Sealy (Posturepedic/Grand Pinnacle) but it came at a whopping price of $12,000 after discount (original price is $16,000). Looks like we'd have to work real hard if we want to buy this, unless we don't get a car so soon, or my next job could give me a 25% increase from my current pay. Haha... but yes, time to really start doing up the budget and saving up again.

Good Friday

The English Presbyterian churches' combined service at Expo was covered in CNA today. Couldn't find the video (which had footages on how Jesus had suffered and was eventually crucified) but there was a brief report (see here). Was quite impressed with the programme this year, especially with how well the members had acted out the emotional scenes leading up to the crucification.

Definitely tugged at my heartstrings. Just like how the movie The Passion of the Christ did a few years before, especially when they sang Via Dolorosa.



(If you can't view the video, click here)

Thank you, Father, for the strong reminder that we are all sinners before Christ and should love and forgive unconditionally and wholeheartedly, just like Christ did.

Big sigh... I did it again...

Not good.

I saw Mr. Jang sitting on the sofa of the office lobby, playing with his iPhone when I knocked off from work this evening. He had called me earlier to say that he "reached", and I happily thought that he had "reached" Orchard (where we were supposed to have dinner) and was shopping around while he waited for me. First reaction was "So sweet! He came to surprise me!" But that quickly turned into guilt when I realised that it was me who didn't bother to take note of what he was saying on the phone earlier on cos I was so engrossed with work. That he had "reached" BN MRT and was walking over. And I made him wait around in the quiet lobby for more than half an hour.

Thank God for having an iPhone to kill time. But argh.

I had promised him last year that this year things will be better, and I will be able to spend quality time with him. But from the look of it, things did not get better. If anything, it had gotten worse.

Big argh.

I do not like this at all. Not one bit.

I need Paris

Left office at 8pm again today.

Flagged a cab to pick Mr. Jang up from his 娘家 so that we could go Parkway together. My PB present to myself this year is...... a thermal flask. Yes, I am pathetic but at least it is a good quality flask and I don't have to go to the pantry that often to fill my mug.

I am gradually starting to realise that my poor eyes are losing their sparkle and getting smaller and drier by the day from staring too much into the laptop. I feel like vomiting every now and then due to either overeating/indigestion/plain tiredness/perennial headaches. I nearly got into accident more than once because I wasn't concentrating while I was driving. I feel sleepy all the time. Like the french song I learnt some years back, je ne suis pas bien portee. Pas du tout.

Bleah. I need more than a holiday. I need Paris. I need to breathe in the kind of air that smells like romance. I need a cup of coffee at a side walk cafe, coupled with people-watching. I need La Seine. I need to immerse myself in that kind of indescribably comfortable atmosphere.

Ahhh Paris paris, I miss you so!

Somebody... pleaseeeeee give me Paris now!

MS

There are colleagues (or former colleagues) who make you feel recharged after talking to them. Like, how you are feeling towards work is perfectly normal. And that's kind of encouraging because it sort of puts things into perspective.

Yup, MS is definitely one of the precious ones. Never thought that we'd click that easily but we did!

Thanks for making the effort to meet up and stay in touch these past couple of years, pal. :)

Bye, March. Hi, April.

The end of March is fast approaching... that brings me a month closer to the thing that I am counting down for. OK, make that things - there are loads of good stuff that will be happening next year, but am just counting down to that particular one day next year where I will be liberated. And then I will go for "Plan A".

On a general note, things to look foward to in April:
- Mum's coming to SIN for a longer period! More food, more soup, and more... pickering?
- Sis' hens night/spa day trip to Batam (or is it Bintan?) Oops... can't remember which.
- Year-on-year pay increment (I think)
- OILs for weekends burnt
- possibly signing up for french classes (but still monitoring the work load first)

My new month resolution(s) is/are: drink less alcohol/coffee/teh-si, run longer at the gym, sleep more, pray more, spend quality time with Mr. Jang, be nice to Almonn, organise tree-top walk, and try to cut down on the reliance on the part time maid.

It's gonna be a busy April.

Serious Monday blues

8.35pm.

For the first time since I joined the new work place, I left office after the sky turned dark. Thank God there were still people around. In fact, I felt strangely at home because all of a sudden, I joined the bunch of perennial evening workers.

Sis ended work as late as me. Poor Mr. Jang had to wait till almost 9.30pm before he could have his dinner. In any case, it was worth it cos he had his favourite fried rice. I was so hungry and tired, I didn't even remember how the hor fun tasted now. The photos looked good. But I'm just... tired.

元宵

Mr. Jang bought me a new iPhone case and a clutch for 元宵. Am going to have 鱼头炉 with his family around Lavender later.

What a nice way to end Chinese New Year.

(Afternote: dinner was superb. Here's a photo of my parents-in-law eating. And also of my after dinner canned coffee - which I bought cos it so reminded me of Japan.)

First solo event

Had my first solo event at the new work place this morning.

Was quite impressed with how the division had done up the place - the setting and atmosphere were really cute with cartoon cardboard cut-outs, student emcees dressed as samsui woman and coolie etc. Wasn't particularly nervous because I had done large-scale events before and knew more or less what to expect. Only trouble was when the press arrived, there was just me handling all the different requests and queries. Thank God I had time to speak to the division beforehand and they were able to accede to most of the requests. (I doubt the event next week would be as smooth-sailing because the other division seemed quite reluctant to provide information and assistance. How to facilitate media requests, draft press invite, FAQs and infosheet in a vacuum?)



Perhaps, the greatest take-away for today's event is to never trust the press completely. Got played out (twice) by the same reporter who went back on her word re the phrasing of a report and the questions allowed at the doorstop. %#(&$(#&$#. Thank God it went OK. Thank God again that my supervisor assessed that I don't have to put up additional report post-event because of that.



Spent the afternoon doing follow-ups on some work stuff, and had dinner with Sis' pals at this zichar place at Punggol. The one on the right is my future brother-in-law, who was probably deprived of Chinese zichar for the past one year while training in Perth. And likely, of cracking crappy jokes. He was going on and on about the business opportunities associated with breast feeding and human milk, cos one of Sis' friends just gave birth. It's so...... him. Hahahahaha.

Home sweet home to Almonn and Mr. Jang

Had a really hectic day at work but came home to another lovely meal cooked by Mr. Jang.

After that, it was a not-so-romantic walk at East Coast. We brought Almonn along and it was the usual tug-of-war kind of walk whenever we passed pillars, trees and lamposts.

To be fair, we also traumatised him by pretending to leave him behind at East Coast. He responded by giving us the pitiful look and endless yelps.

The happiest moment of my Wednesday

7.30pm at Parkway...


... sharing a Carl's junior meal with Mr. Jang and chit-chatting non-stop.

It's almost like back to the dating days.

Lovely Sunday

I know that I will regret choosing to go out tonight instead of working. BUT I have never felt happier just sitting there at Georges Bar, drinking ice lemon tea, munching on finger food with Mr. Jang and his friends, and listening to them talk.

Life is short. Take time to do stuff that you enjoy.

Bai Nian

Am going for another round of Bai Nian at Mr. Jang's godma's place, which coincidentally is also my sister's JC junior and good friend's place, and my primary school junior's place, and Mr. Jang's secondary school junior's place.

The complicated relationship chart goes like this:

The Mother = Mr. Jang's godma
The Brother = Sis' JC junior + good friend
The Sister = My primary school junior + Mr. Jang's secondary school junior

Here are my contributions for the pot luck dinner. Aim is not for the dishes to taste good. Aim is for everyone NOT to have stomache. But yes, I do love cooking too.

Hairy affairs

Am enjoying the cool afternoon breeze in the comforts of my living room. Technically I should be doing some work cos from next week onwards, there will be an avalanche of clashing deadlines that will keep me buried till May. But then the lazier side of me won and I've decided that today is a strictly R&R day. Plus, this year is going to be a take-it-super-easy year for me!!!! :'/

On a totally unrelated note, I have fallen in love with curling my hair ever since I bought the iron curler. I have sworn in my youth that I will NEVER curl my hair after I got married. The reason is that almost everyone curls their hair after getting married! And for some reason it always makes them look old. Either that or cut their hair short. Ok lah, it's much fresher (Mr. Jang also asked me more than a few times if I want to cut) but I want to keep it long and flowy cos I love doing stuff to my hair! Tie, twist, plait, curl, cut. Speaking of which, I still recall that I was badly caned by Grandpa in kindergarten cos I lied about cutting my own bangs. Bleah. I could have been an outstanding hairstylist, Grandpa...

Anyway, I was about to say that now I understand why people do stuff to themselves after getting married. 1) you feel like you are entitled to do anything since you've just lived past one of the more important phase in your life. 2) you really need to destress after all those heavy preparations. 3) your husband has already vowed to love you no matter what... even if you spot the most horrible hairstyle, they ain't gonna run nowhere... what fantastic news!

So, here's how the DIY curly hair looked. I wish I wasn't standing beside two of the most beautiful people I know though (chick + sis) cos that means I look even older! But what the heck... who won't grow old right? :p And just because one looks older doesn't mean that he/she is not pretty lah... hahaha...

To my husband, Mr. Jang, on Valentine's Day

To my husband on our first Valentine's Day together, as a married couple:

1. I love the way you do silly things to make me laugh whenever I feel grouchy.

2. I love the way you help me adjust the alarm clocks in the morning, when I request to sleep for 5 more minutes, then 10 more minutes, then again 5 more minutes... and when I nudge you sleepily to ask for the time, you always respond.

3. I love the way you blend in with my family, and keep my parents, grandparents, aunties and uncles entertained no matter how tired you are.

4. I love the way you take care of everything, for me AND my sis, from air ticket reservations to buying the grocery to cooking to catching insects.

5. I love the way you express concern whenever I sulk and say "我不开心!"

6. I love the way you accept my decisions to do certain things in a certain way, even though I changed my mind for the umpteenth time.

7. I love the way you pray with me, because sometimes, the things you say can be quite amusing.

8. I love the way you look when I laugh at you over some mispronunciation of Cantonese words, but also the way you keep trying no matter how many times I laugh at you.

9. I love your jovial nature, and the way you behave as if nothing is too great for you to handle, because it makes me feel safe.

10. Most of all, I love the way you make me believe that there is really unconditional love in the world, in that you don't ask for things in return (well, most of the time).

Disclaimer: The above is written as a Valentine's Day present for my husband, because I didn't buy him any present this year, and last year, I got him an eraser for Valentine's Day present (really). I love him dearly, but that does not mean that he can continue to dirty my bathroom with the remains of shower gel/shampoo.

Learning through experience...

Was watching 酒店风云, and the character played by 苗乔伟 said "没有人生下来就什么都会，都是从经验中学出来的". How encouraging to hear this, just when I am trying my best to learn the ropes as fast as I can, and feeling a little stressed in the process.

This shall be my motto for the year then.

Sigh...

Barely one week after I said that this will be a work-life balanced year, I am feeling super tired, drained and grouchy from work again.

Granted, it might be due to the fact that I'm starting work in a brand new place and hence the need to adopt a steep learning curve all over again. I recalled that when I first joined the service, I was also feeling the same level of stress.

But it could also be due to the fact that I really want to have a proper family life. To be able to cook when I get home, to relax and watch TV, and to just... enjoy life.

And hence, the question of whether I chose the wrong industry to be in. It's a stupid question, I know, because I deliberately asked for a transfer of service to specialise in this field.

But then, do I want to do comms work in the long run? I seriously don't know. I have come to realise that this is a field which requires one to be on alert 24/7. But I value personal time a lot, and I am not sure if I want my weekends to be burnt, e.g. when crisis happens, when media ask questions etc.

Or perhaps, time to re-look at moving to somewhere where the kind of issues to deal with are less major and time sensitive, but where my skills will still be recognised?

Decisions... decisions... I know clearly where my priority lies, but am bounded by obligations. Whatever the path may be, I have one year to consider. In the meantime, work beckons...

Summary for the week

1. Survived my first week at the new work place
2. Totally missing old colleagues but made friends with new ones
3. Celebrated Valentines' Day early with Mr. Jang
4. Felt absolutely loved...

I just saw my friend's entries re my wedding, and felt extremely touched and teary. God bless their lives too and may they continue to have faith in God and passion towards everything that they are striving for!! :)

Married!

I cannot believe that it has been more than a month since I last updated this blog. I mean, it has got to be the most important phase/day of my life (other than my birth and my death) and I totally didn't write anything to help me remember it in future. Argh.

Must have really been caught up in the last-min preparations. Plus, relatives and family friends streamed in during those last few days. Everything just went by in a blur. I only recalled that I was totally in my operational mode, totally NOT feeling that it was my wedding day, and while I was walking down the aisle, I kept pulling at my Dad's hand and hissing under my breathe, "Don't walk so fast! I stepped on my own gown again!" And oh, the fact that I was totally nervous right before I did my dinner march in, partly from the tightness of the gown and partly from the fact that I had to sing. I recalled Adel putting her hand on my arm, looked at me in the eye and said, "Are you going to be alright?"

And then, it was off to the HK wedding (which was completely unlike the SG one because everything was so informal and unprepared... in a nice way) In the end, I had so much fun that I wanted to do it all over again - except that I obviously can't.

Now that everything (including my Japan honeymoon) is over, and I'm at a new work place, it seemed as if I'm really starting a whole new life althogether. There is a husband in the house and I am trying to play my brand new role as a wife (e.g. making breakfast, tidying up). Am also experiencing the newbie feeling all over again in the office, although I already know a handful of people there even before I joined. I supposed things will fall into place eventually. This year is going to be an eventful year, not just for me, but for Sis and Hwei who are going to get married too.

Life is really flying by fast and soon we will hit the big 3. This year's resolution is to perhaps work towards something meaningful? If work load is not too heavy, perhaps DLTP 1? Or to at least help out more at church starting with the filos community stuff. Fai was giving me advice on office relations today... but I suddenly felt that it really didn't matter cos' work is not everything, and am just going to be a simple employee.

Yep, that will be the direction I'm taking this year. ^^

Calmness in preparation madness

If I were to look back at this moment in time, I want to remember that despite the occasional panic attacks of not finding the right dresses, right hairstyles, planning for the seating arrangement, grumbling at yet another need for change, going "argh" over the amount of details I have to go through for the programme/montage/music, coordinating food/decor/manpower with Mr. Jang...

I am enjoying myself, and deep down I'm calm, as calm as I can be, like one year ago... as if the wedding is not like 10 days away. My operational mode has kicked in, and I'm having fun, because this is the only time I can get away with what I want to do, and any disapproval can be answered with "oh, different people have different style and mine is this."

Awww... simply awesome.

Honeymoon planning

Am planning my honeymoon itinerary for Japan and am secretly knocking myself on the head for being totally not involved in the planning of previous family trips to Japan. For instance, I know that we need to get JR passes to get around the region but how it works exactly, and where to purchase it... well, I am only starting to find out now. It's not too late, but yeah, retribution for this family lazy bum!

Anyway, everyone was raving about those private onsens which couples could use in their own rooms. Found this online (Hotel Senkei) and was really quite tempted to book it. Since Mr. Jang and I don't really eat raw stuff, I chose the plan which doesn't include Japanese breakfast and dinner. The room prices ranged from SGD 320 for a basic one, and SGD 510 for a more premium one, which seemed reasonable. But in the end, I decided to let this go since other than the private onsen, there is really not much interesting to see at Hakone. I'd rather stick to the original plan to go Osaka, Kyoto and Nara.

Am getting a tad more excited about the wedding, since I have more time to plan for it now. Went for a church friend's wedding just now and it was the grandest church wedding I've ever been to! Was a little... in awe of the decor, the food variety, and the sheer no. of people who turned up. Mine will definitely be a much more smaller and simpler ceremony. And I think I prefer it this way too. :p

My last birthday as a single

Had a fantastic birthday yesterday starting with loads of well wishes early in the morning, and then a simple lunch with colleagues at Manhattan Fish Market. Embarrassingly, Med tried to ask everyone to say what they liked about me... and I got i) clomper feet, ii) squeaky voice, iii) vampy (!) personality, iv) nice laughter, and v) even the fact that my Dad works in a luxury goods company (this one was from silly annoying Med!).

And then it was off to an evening of ALL my favourite things (drums rolling): Roses!!! Mala steamboat!!! Chocolate Cake!!! KTV!!! Beer!!! And of course, great company!!!

It was a nice celebration (thanks to Mr. Jang, Sis and Paulyn!) and a good way to end my last birthday as a single, just like how everyone has been reminding me.

Events/little moments that I like!

Haven't had such fun fun fun times in a loooooooong while.

Sat

Shopping with Sis at Orchard for Christmas presents, and having a really nice cosy hens night with the girls - the play was hilarious, loads of sinful food (char siew rice late in the evening + fries at 4am!), drinking without tripping over our own toes, singing in the cab on the way home. Check out more photos on facebook!

Sun

Selection of Sis' evening gown (while trying at the same time to recover from our really tired legs and puffy eyes)

Mon

Early birthday surprise from colleagues! You can tell from the way I smiled that I really loved the gigantic chocolate cake (though I probably can't finish it!) ^ ^

Dinner and KTV at Teo Heng with the two "little" boys I've known since Secondary School! Totally don't need to care about 仪态. And oh, Teo Heng has a touch-screen iPhone-like interface for the monitors now, so unlike the lock-kock place we always went to in Uni. Totally cool!

- . -"

I am seriously, seriously, seriously missing HK because of:

i) the weather
ii) the fact that I have to work again, and
iii) the realisation that I have LESS THAN A MONTH to go before the wedding day.

Buck up, Grace!

Have you seen my childhood...

Didn't get to do any shopping today because I promised my grandparents that I'd yum cha with them in the afternoon. Spent the day at their place, digging through old childhood photos which I can use for the wedding montage.

I hereby confirm that I'm a grouchy person since the moment I was born. Look at the way I frowned. It's professional.







And all my smiling genes must have been used up by Sis - her smile is as permanent as my frown. Oh well...





Today's weather is freezing by the way. I seriously don't remember feeling this cold in HK. Quite hazy around the city area as well. Brr......

Back in HK again!

Am in HK right now enjoying the cool weather and my new found freedom - no more exams ever again, at least in the foreseeable future!







Today's plan is simple: i) have lunch with parents, ii) shopping at Causeway Bay, iii) gown-fitting in the late afternoon, and then iv) perhaps have dinner with Gugu.

A thought just entered my mind... this is the last time I'll come back to Hong Kong as a single. Who would have thought that I'll be where I'm at now... when we packed our bags and moved to Singapore almost 20 years ago. Loads of thoughts and emotions suddenly...