Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Une goutte de pluie
Tout ce que je veux, c'est devenir une goutte de pluie. Je voyagerai le monde tout entier et quand j'arrive a la fin de ma vie, j'irais au paradis.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Jayesslee in CHC 2 (on 9 Jul 2011)
Have always loved their voices.
Their testimony here is very touching. Maybe because Mom also had cancer before, I can somewhat relate.
Thank God, that He gave Mom another chance at life and to be a testimony of His love - being a volunteer on weekends and a bible study leader on weekdays.
And yes, rejoice in all circumstances!
Their testimony here is very touching. Maybe because Mom also had cancer before, I can somewhat relate.
Thank God, that He gave Mom another chance at life and to be a testimony of His love - being a volunteer on weekends and a bible study leader on weekdays.
And yes, rejoice in all circumstances!
Sunday, March 18, 2012
You jumped...
Over the course of three weeks, I have heard three cases of youngster suicides. Nope, not from the newspapers, but from colleagues and friends which made it all the more "real". I suppose it is nothing new, people choose to end their lives for all sorts of reasons. But it makes me ponder: if you have the courage to jump, why not the courage to live?
It is especially sad to hear young suicide cases because they have so much potential to pick themselves up again after failures. Even if the society seems to give no room for mistakes, can we ourselves learn to break loose from the expectations we or others place on ourselves? It is equally important - learning to succeed and learning to fail.
I don't know if there are any books on learning to fail (I know plenty about learning to succeed). My personal experience from trying to be a perfectionist is to make it a habit to forgive yourself. Forgiving does not equate to justifying your actions or making excuses, but admitting that you were wrong and you made a mistake, sometimes grave enough to hurt more than just yourself. In which case, accept the punishment or consequences with humility, and face tomorrow with a new heart and new hope.
It is especially sad to hear young suicide cases because they have so much potential to pick themselves up again after failures. Even if the society seems to give no room for mistakes, can we ourselves learn to break loose from the expectations we or others place on ourselves? It is equally important - learning to succeed and learning to fail.
I don't know if there are any books on learning to fail (I know plenty about learning to succeed). My personal experience from trying to be a perfectionist is to make it a habit to forgive yourself. Forgiving does not equate to justifying your actions or making excuses, but admitting that you were wrong and you made a mistake, sometimes grave enough to hurt more than just yourself. In which case, accept the punishment or consequences with humility, and face tomorrow with a new heart and new hope.
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
my little buddy
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Feeling terribly feverish with an itchy throat since Sunday evening. In fact, I haven't had the time to rest at all the whole week due to vol work on Sat morn and CM duties on Sunday and I was working pretty late last week.
But I couldn't miss seeing my little buddy... wanted to pat his head and to bear hug him though I know he hates it - he probably thinks I am messing up his fur for nothing.
Sis said he has been behaving weirdly, scratching the door (the wrong side of it) in the middle of the night for nothing, barking out of the blue. Definitely signs of old age.
One day, his eyes will fail him but I hope he will always remember those soft touches to his head and the not-so-gentle hugs when I pounce on him. I am always prepared for the day when he will go because I know it will come sooner or late. Till then, I will try to spend as much time with him as I can and hope that he is enjoying his last years on earth with us as a family.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
"Surprise!" says God.
"I sent you an email. Read it before you open the letter," B said.
I said a timid "OK" before turning to my comp. It was bonus day (or so they called it) and bosses were handing out letters. But he joked that some of us might need to start packing our bags after opening our letters.
I am about six months into the job and I still haven't received a confirmation letter/email yet. Although HR said no news is good news (meaning confirmation might have already happened without you being informed in this company), the worrisome part of me still went "oh no, is he going to explain why he can't confirm me due to headcount freeze/restructuring etc?" :/
The email read something to the effect of B thinking I did a good job during the short time I am here, and he wants to reflect that in my salary.
I did a double-take when I saw the new figure in the letter. Not because it is a sky-high increment (it isn't), but because it is much more than I expected, given that it's supposed to be pro-rated (if any at all). And certainly it is more than what I think I deserved.
Am once again amazed by all the wonderful surprises God is giving out from time to time. Deeply humbled, and very thankful.
I said a timid "OK" before turning to my comp. It was bonus day (or so they called it) and bosses were handing out letters. But he joked that some of us might need to start packing our bags after opening our letters.
I am about six months into the job and I still haven't received a confirmation letter/email yet. Although HR said no news is good news (meaning confirmation might have already happened without you being informed in this company), the worrisome part of me still went "oh no, is he going to explain why he can't confirm me due to headcount freeze/restructuring etc?" :/
The email read something to the effect of B thinking I did a good job during the short time I am here, and he wants to reflect that in my salary.
I did a double-take when I saw the new figure in the letter. Not because it is a sky-high increment (it isn't), but because it is much more than I expected, given that it's supposed to be pro-rated (if any at all). And certainly it is more than what I think I deserved.
Am once again amazed by all the wonderful surprises God is giving out from time to time. Deeply humbled, and very thankful.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
What's your storyline?
Am on 2-days MC from a mild case of food poisoning - technically, 1.5 days since I went back to work this morning and am going to continue working from home today. But it's good to be away from the office. Enjoying the peace and quiet at home, and the ability to just sit in a clean toilet as and when I need to (though my 屁股really开花ed from all the passing of all the what-have-yous). But at least I don't feel like vomitting already. I hate the nausea feeling.
Sunday's sermon touched on our life's storyline. Do we allow God to write the script? He is in fact the script writer of our lives. Sometimes, we deviate from the story he wants us to be in and hurt ourselves, as well as others around us, in the process.
How many times have I done that? Do I actively come back to God's storyline of my life?
In the past, I find it hard to tell what God wants me to do in my life. At decision making points, I would "pray" then haphazard a guess. I have no idea if that decision is right or wrong. Just something that I thought God would want me to do.
But as I grow older, I think God is teaching me how to seek his advice and to look out for the answer to my prayers. I begin to see "signs" of where He wants me to go, what He wants me to do. And the purpose of putting me in certain situations, both for my own good and for the benefit of others.
Life hasn't changed much since I moved to my new job. In fact, the workload is just as heavy, if not heavier. But I certainly sensed a change in me, something that tells me and reminds me often to slow down, appreciate the things around me, and not to take things so seriously all the time. I feel that I am beginning to enter into another stage of life, going beyond what I used to see into something deeper, a certain sense of peace that can be felt amid the chaos I see.
And I think that is the character God wants me to be in my story. My storyline is being written by a wonderful Creator, and I just need to concentrate on playing my part and be the one He wants me to be!
Sunday's sermon touched on our life's storyline. Do we allow God to write the script? He is in fact the script writer of our lives. Sometimes, we deviate from the story he wants us to be in and hurt ourselves, as well as others around us, in the process.
How many times have I done that? Do I actively come back to God's storyline of my life?
In the past, I find it hard to tell what God wants me to do in my life. At decision making points, I would "pray" then haphazard a guess. I have no idea if that decision is right or wrong. Just something that I thought God would want me to do.
But as I grow older, I think God is teaching me how to seek his advice and to look out for the answer to my prayers. I begin to see "signs" of where He wants me to go, what He wants me to do. And the purpose of putting me in certain situations, both for my own good and for the benefit of others.
Life hasn't changed much since I moved to my new job. In fact, the workload is just as heavy, if not heavier. But I certainly sensed a change in me, something that tells me and reminds me often to slow down, appreciate the things around me, and not to take things so seriously all the time. I feel that I am beginning to enter into another stage of life, going beyond what I used to see into something deeper, a certain sense of peace that can be felt amid the chaos I see.
And I think that is the character God wants me to be in my story. My storyline is being written by a wonderful Creator, and I just need to concentrate on playing my part and be the one He wants me to be!
Saturday, January 21, 2012
Month of the travelling roadshow
I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past three weeks. While most people are having a relaxed January getting back into the swing of things after a good December break, I was practically pulling my hair out doing my first ever CEO roadshow. Twenty-one (!!!!) sessions of roadshow with over 3,000 people in total spread across 5 different locations in 9 days within 2 weeks, with sessions starting as early as 8.10am (for registration) and ending as late as 8.30pm in the evening. Four laptops for registration, 24 MAs for rostering, 2 boxes and 20 clipboards for over 950 exit polls. Consolidating daily attendance and doing data entry concurrently at night when I reached home. Arriving at the venue by 7am almost every morning then worrying about 2B who was holding onto 2 lappies but was perpetually late due to traffic jams (bad accidents!)
How did I survived?
And it was probably due to the lack of rest that my cyst problem came back. Have two additional stitches on my face now, on top of the first one. Scarface X 2.
In the midst of all the madness, thank God for providing help in the form of very helpful and diligent MAs (ok most, not all - there was one who made me wonder if he was trying to escape from his duties and was only there for the food). And then, a surprise awaited me on the second last day of the roadshow. When I came back to the office, my colleague grinned and pointed to the table.
It was a handwritten note and a hamper from none other than CEO.
"Dear Grace
With just four roadshows left and Chinese New Year approaching, I want to thank you for managing the roadshows so diligently and to wish you and your family a happy & successful year of the Dragon
恭喜发财 (in ang moh handwritting)
Alex"
Heart melts. And even if it's just a regift (which is likely so cos I don't think CEO will really go and buy a hamper just for his staff), it was really a very kind gesture of appreciation.
Praise the Lord for His never failing providence, grace, comfort and encouragement.
How did I survived?
And it was probably due to the lack of rest that my cyst problem came back. Have two additional stitches on my face now, on top of the first one. Scarface X 2.
In the midst of all the madness, thank God for providing help in the form of very helpful and diligent MAs (ok most, not all - there was one who made me wonder if he was trying to escape from his duties and was only there for the food). And then, a surprise awaited me on the second last day of the roadshow. When I came back to the office, my colleague grinned and pointed to the table.
It was a handwritten note and a hamper from none other than CEO.
"Dear Grace
With just four roadshows left and Chinese New Year approaching, I want to thank you for managing the roadshows so diligently and to wish you and your family a happy & successful year of the Dragon
恭喜发财 (in ang moh handwritting)
Alex"
Heart melts. And even if it's just a regift (which is likely so cos I don't think CEO will really go and buy a hamper just for his staff), it was really a very kind gesture of appreciation.
Praise the Lord for His never failing providence, grace, comfort and encouragement.
Monday, December 26, 2011
Four times Christmas at Cafe Lumiere
26 Dec, Singapore - Following its soft launch earlier in the month, Cafe Lumiere officially opened its doors to host four Christmas gathering over the long weekend. It first welcomed a care group cum pot luck dinner on Friday evening, which ended at 1.30am and broke the record of previous care groups hosted. It was mainly due to the difficult book of Isaiah, which somehow ended up into a prolonged discussion on tithing. The co-owners, Grace and Mr. Jang, had no recollection of how the topic has gone off the path.
On Christmas eve, Cafe Lumiere hosted a close group of colleagues from Grace's old office, Meeka. It was the first lunch that Grace ever prepared in the sit down western meal kind of setting. There was pork rib (from NTUC), honey baked ham (from NTUC), wine (from NTUC), and a gigantic log cake (from NTUC). The non-NTUC items were pasta, stringed pineapple and cheese hotdog, and salad with homemade vinaigrette dressing. When asked how she felt on her first attempt to prepare a meal, Grace said: "I was really excited and am just glad that there are no reports of food poisoning thus far! The only negative comment I had was from ex-colleague, Meds, who said my fireplace decor failed... But that's sort of OK coming from Meds!" She quipped.
The Christmas eve dinner session was dedicated to Mr. Jang's JC and majong friends. Interestingly, Cafe Lumiere is also known as MJC - the short form for "Majong Club". True to its name, MJC members presented a majong table as a housewarming gift to the couple. It was quickly put to good use after the members had their Christmas feast and the party ended at 3am in the morning, or so Grace heard as she has already collapsed into her four-poster bed slightly after midnight due to the long day spent in the kitchen.
As for Christmas day, it was a relief for the owners that the party only started around 7pm. Grace and Mr. Jang were exhausted from helping out at the Children Ministry in the morning. Some of the junior kids apparently ate the chocolate stars that they hid in the santuary for the older kids. The latter could not find the complete set of stars for them to piece together the words of "SAVE", "(L)AMB", "H(O)PE" and "LOV(E)". The couple spent some time trying in vain to locate the stars which had mysteriously gone missing.
At 7pm, Grace and Mr Jang welcomed their friends and family to Cafe Lumiere for the grand finale Christmas Day dinner. And what a feast the group had - it was all from a catering service! But it was all made cosy and personalised by the wonderful presents, desserts, and wine brought by their pals. The Christmas spirit was further enhanced by the fact that everyone came dressed in the theme of "Winter" albeit with various interpretations - tropical winter, temperate winter, but luckily no north-pole winter as the air-con could only go as low as 17C. Come gift exchange time, everyone had a fantastic time unwrapping the goodies brought by one another. Even Grace's brother-in-law, OSH, bought a proper gift from L'Occitane this time round. Suspiciously though, he did not know what L'Occitane is when asked. Being the good wife that she is, Est, Grace's sister, refused to comment when asked if she bought the gift on his behalf. The night ended on a high note as the group laughed their guts out watching an old movie, 唐伯虎点秋香.
We bring you some photo highlights from the dinner finale, which is not a lot as Grace was either too busy in the kitchen or at the dining area eating. For the rest of the other events, there were no photos taken from Grace's phone cam (she totally forgot).
Cafe Lumiere wishes all a Merry Christmas once again!
On Christmas eve, Cafe Lumiere hosted a close group of colleagues from Grace's old office, Meeka. It was the first lunch that Grace ever prepared in the sit down western meal kind of setting. There was pork rib (from NTUC), honey baked ham (from NTUC), wine (from NTUC), and a gigantic log cake (from NTUC). The non-NTUC items were pasta, stringed pineapple and cheese hotdog, and salad with homemade vinaigrette dressing. When asked how she felt on her first attempt to prepare a meal, Grace said: "I was really excited and am just glad that there are no reports of food poisoning thus far! The only negative comment I had was from ex-colleague, Meds, who said my fireplace decor failed... But that's sort of OK coming from Meds!" She quipped.
The Christmas eve dinner session was dedicated to Mr. Jang's JC and majong friends. Interestingly, Cafe Lumiere is also known as MJC - the short form for "Majong Club". True to its name, MJC members presented a majong table as a housewarming gift to the couple. It was quickly put to good use after the members had their Christmas feast and the party ended at 3am in the morning, or so Grace heard as she has already collapsed into her four-poster bed slightly after midnight due to the long day spent in the kitchen.
As for Christmas day, it was a relief for the owners that the party only started around 7pm. Grace and Mr. Jang were exhausted from helping out at the Children Ministry in the morning. Some of the junior kids apparently ate the chocolate stars that they hid in the santuary for the older kids. The latter could not find the complete set of stars for them to piece together the words of "SAVE", "(L)AMB", "H(O)PE" and "LOV(E)". The couple spent some time trying in vain to locate the stars which had mysteriously gone missing.
At 7pm, Grace and Mr Jang welcomed their friends and family to Cafe Lumiere for the grand finale Christmas Day dinner. And what a feast the group had - it was all from a catering service! But it was all made cosy and personalised by the wonderful presents, desserts, and wine brought by their pals. The Christmas spirit was further enhanced by the fact that everyone came dressed in the theme of "Winter" albeit with various interpretations - tropical winter, temperate winter, but luckily no north-pole winter as the air-con could only go as low as 17C. Come gift exchange time, everyone had a fantastic time unwrapping the goodies brought by one another. Even Grace's brother-in-law, OSH, bought a proper gift from L'Occitane this time round. Suspiciously though, he did not know what L'Occitane is when asked. Being the good wife that she is, Est, Grace's sister, refused to comment when asked if she bought the gift on his behalf. The night ended on a high note as the group laughed their guts out watching an old movie, 唐伯虎点秋香.
We bring you some photo highlights from the dinner finale, which is not a lot as Grace was either too busy in the kitchen or at the dining area eating. For the rest of the other events, there were no photos taken from Grace's phone cam (she totally forgot).
Cafe Lumiere wishes all a Merry Christmas once again!
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| Cafe Lumiere co-owner Grace (right) with her favourite sister Esther (left) and dog Almonn. She calls them collectively: Sismonn. |
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| Almonn was almost put up for sale, if not for his hidden ferocious character. |
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| The Crazy Trio from Sec One. From left: Grace, Chick, and Hwei. (*Grace realised that she also forgot to take a Christmas photo with cafe co-owner and husband, Mr. Jang. Oopsie!) |
Sunday, December 18, 2011
20th anniversary 万岁!
Mr. Jang and I emceed for gugu and gucheung's 20th anniversary dinner at Shangri-La hotel today. It was a wonderful evening of worship and it felt great to be in a room full of people that shared a common love for God.
At the end of the day, a marriage definitely needs to be centered on God in order for it to work. He needs to be involved in every process of home building.
Praise God for gugu and gucheung's lovely marriage! :)
At the end of the day, a marriage definitely needs to be centered on God in order for it to work. He needs to be involved in every process of home building.
Praise God for gugu and gucheung's lovely marriage! :)
Monday, December 12, 2011
Birthday log cake! :)
Colleagues gave me a birthday log cake and $40 Capitaland vouchers as birthday present today. Yes, another chocolate cake! Yippie!
To be honest, it was a little awkward cos my new colleagues (except for Irys!) are all quite serious and I thought this birthday celebration felt more like a birthday SOP rather than a genuine celebration. But I really appreciated the gesture and the thought that went behind buying the cake and the vouchers. The cake tasted super yummy (belgium dark chocolate!)
I sincerely think that it is important to have more get togethers like this. It's important to build a culture that is not solely focused on work alone. We are all humans behind the computers and emails afterall.
Hopefully, there will be more occasions for us to get together like this, not just for birthdays or Christmas. A comfortable and welcoming office environment - that's what makes people want to come to work.
So bosses, take the lead and make the difference!
martinis + cakes = happy me
I didn't put the group photo here because I am not sure if they will be comfortable having their photo uploaded on blogs (FB is another matter!) so I just put this happy photo of myself with two glasses of lychee martini.
Am very grateful that they had included me in the celebration of the December babies even though they are more of Mr. Jang's buddies. I seldom join in the gatherings and I always hide behind Mr. Jang but they are always very nice and kind. I even have birthday presents and a mini cake!
Thank you, thank you! :)
Saturday, December 10, 2011
More than just moving...
"Survived" my first week at the new house. I used that word because it was with much reluctance that I came to terms with the fact that yes indeed I had moved out of my parents' house. I had a shock when Mr. Jang told me last Sunday that we would not be going back, when I had thought that the move was only temporary. I felt that I was suddenly yanked out of my home, and I didn't have time to say my goodbyes.
I still miss everything terribly. I only pulled through the first week because I can still see Sis and BIL regularly especially when I go to work cos Sis will swing by to pick me up and when I go home to get my stuff. This and the fantastic surprise birthday party that the gang gave me two days ago. Totally made my day.
I still miss everything terribly. I only pulled through the first week because I can still see Sis and BIL regularly especially when I go to work cos Sis will swing by to pick me up and when I go home to get my stuff. This and the fantastic surprise birthday party that the gang gave me two days ago. Totally made my day.
I miss my little buddy. No matter how hard Mr. Jang tried to tell me that Almonn is no longer my dog (I don't believe it for a single moment) and that he cannot come cos he will scratch the furniture and dirty the place if he comes, I am still very attached to him and I miss him every single day. I think what Mr. Jang doesn't realise is that I can always earn back the money used to refurbish the house or buy back the furniture if there is any damage. But the feelings you have for your pet is something that can never be replaced. I appreciate the efforts that he has made to make the transition less painful and I probably sound selfish when I say this, I will not remember how nice my first house is or how beautiful the furniture is, but I will remember that I miss Almonn every single day that I moved in and that I am forbidden to bring him here with me. :(
Saturday, December 3, 2011
First night at new place
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| The last item on the list i.e. the Internet connection, is finally up. I have officially moved in! |
After close to nine months of dragging our feets and then getting a contractor to work on the house and finally moving some of the essential stuff over, I can now say that WE HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED IN!
To be honest, we are far from staying here on a permanent basis. Not yet, at least. We are only here because we need to vacate the study room at Dad and Mom's place for Uncle Chris and Aunt Jessie. They are visiting us from Canada and will be here until Monday.
Nonetheless, this is still an exciting development. We will be spending our first night at the new house in the new four-poster bed. I have just tested the water pressure and water temperature at the bathroom and it was amazing.
I am going to miss Sis, BIL and Almonn so much once I start staying here on a more regular basis and when the novelty wears off. Mr. Jang has a lot of entertainment at night and I will probably be spending loads of evenings alone at our new home.
Perhaps I can sneak back to Mom's place as and when possible. Or, I can always bring my security blanket over so that I can still have the smell of home.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Overseas work trips rock!
I am on the executive floor of Langham Place, lying on the bed in my bathrobe with a specially requested green tea scented pillow beside me, ready to take me to the sweetest dream of dreams. I just had a nice, hot bath, pampering myself with the body scrub while watching the news on the plasma TV at the same time through the glass window. And tomorrow, tommorrow I will enjoy my quiet breakfast at the lounge which has a not-too-spectacular-but-good-enough view of the Mong Kok area.
I am throwing all thoughts of discontinuing with this job and finding other one out of the full length glass window... for these three days. For now I will just concentrate on enjoying the perks of this job.
(P/S: oh yes... of course of course I find the course useful but that's not the main point...)
I am throwing all thoughts of discontinuing with this job and finding other one out of the full length glass window... for these three days. For now I will just concentrate on enjoying the perks of this job.
(P/S: oh yes... of course of course I find the course useful but that's not the main point...)
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| Breakfast at executive lounge Club L. |
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| This post-it from the hotel brought a smile to my face. Yes, we need to locate our button and shut down. |
Saturday, November 12, 2011
Hubs the 阿Q
I needed constant counselling from Mr. Jang these few days cos I simply don't understand how I can feel so down all the time. Asked him what my strengths and shortcomings are yesterday and he said, "Your strength is the ability to think systematically, plan ahead, and do things with consistency. But that also means that you are less flexible with the way you do things so when things don't go according to your plans, you become unhappy. You have to learn to be inconsistent and try different ways if something doesn't work out, like me."
I said aren't you worried that people might say you are incapable or do not have principles/perseverance etc etc? He said, "Why do you always feel you need to explain your actions to people? Don't have to keep being worried if people will think badly of you. Most of the time people don't. Even if people want to say bad things, just let it be. Will you die? No you won't."
He said this is what he called his "阿Q精神" and that because he has already come into contact with so many different types of people during his school days and working life, he learnt to keep this fighting and positive spirit no matter how people trampled on him. He said this is the difference between me and him, someone from a protective home environment with good grades from good schools, and someone from a poorer family with average grades from neighbourhood schools. He has more opportunities to learn life lessons eariler and to do things in more than one way especially when the "template ways" don't work.
I have honestly told him many times before that I think he talks too much for a guy.
At times like these though, I know why God put a talkative guy in my life instead of a studious one, which has always been my type. While the studious one can probably give me strategic advice, he will never be able to offer me these weird perspectives and put a smile on my face (or make me roll my eyes) like this talkative guy does.
God knows best.
I said aren't you worried that people might say you are incapable or do not have principles/perseverance etc etc? He said, "Why do you always feel you need to explain your actions to people? Don't have to keep being worried if people will think badly of you. Most of the time people don't. Even if people want to say bad things, just let it be. Will you die? No you won't."
He said this is what he called his "阿Q精神" and that because he has already come into contact with so many different types of people during his school days and working life, he learnt to keep this fighting and positive spirit no matter how people trampled on him. He said this is the difference between me and him, someone from a protective home environment with good grades from good schools, and someone from a poorer family with average grades from neighbourhood schools. He has more opportunities to learn life lessons eariler and to do things in more than one way especially when the "template ways" don't work.
I have honestly told him many times before that I think he talks too much for a guy.
At times like these though, I know why God put a talkative guy in my life instead of a studious one, which has always been my type. While the studious one can probably give me strategic advice, he will never be able to offer me these weird perspectives and put a smile on my face (or make me roll my eyes) like this talkative guy does.
God knows best.
Friday, November 11, 2011
Seeking a second opinion + going to the plastic surgeon
After endless trips to the company doctor and unsuccessful tries to sew up the wound, I finally took Mom's advice to go for a second opinion at a proper surgeon. Dr Lim was Mom's surgeon more than 10 years back and I was really skeptical about his skills (am sure his eyesight would have deteriorated since he was already 50 plus ten years back).
My trip to his clinic turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. He took a look at the infected wound, thought for a while, and told me honestly that while he is a surgeon, he has never done any surgery on the face and hence he strongly recommends me to go to a plastic surgeon as "it is the right thing to do". When I told him that I have been trying to avoid a plastic surgeon because of the cost, he chuckled and started dialing on his phone. He told his friend that he is sending a patient over ("a young pretty girl") and "she said she has been avoiding a plastic surgeon cos you guys are too expensive."
Am not sure if it helped in giving me a good price but after going to the plastic surgeon (another grandfatherly figure at a rundown clinic at Lucky Plaza), I felt much better and the pinch of $1000 for the operation seemed less painful cos he really seems to know what he is talking about when he explained the situation, the options and the procedures. He said he has to slice more skin around the wound cos it has already turned bad and was caving in. By cutting fresh skin, the scar would be smoother and flatter. He also wanted to stitch 3 layers (because the hole is too big and deep) but in the end he opted for a deeper stitch instead because the flesh is too brittle (or I think he used the word "fibrous").
The process of lying on the operation bed again was actually quite painful... (I have been on it almost on a daily basis from 2 weeks ago). It's the fear of pain combined with the feeling of helplessness. When they place a cloth over my face with just one opening for the cheek area and a light shining at that wound, I honestly feel like I'm at the mercy of whoever it is that is going to cut me up. Then the sharp pains will come either from the jabs or the poking of the area.
I wish with all my heart that this time it will really, really heal. I have a feeling that it will. Dr Chua actually gave me a choice to either wait a few more days to be 100% sure that the wound is clean before sewing it up, or to sew it up now because it looks clean enough. I took the chance to sew it up now cos I am really am quite drained over the whole process. I am praying hard that the next time I post, I will already be on the road to recovery.
P/S: I once again thank my family members and friends for all the care and concern shown through calls, texts etc. It's really very touching to know that everyone is praying for me and trying to cheer me up. I will try my very best to keep my spirits up.
My trip to his clinic turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. He took a look at the infected wound, thought for a while, and told me honestly that while he is a surgeon, he has never done any surgery on the face and hence he strongly recommends me to go to a plastic surgeon as "it is the right thing to do". When I told him that I have been trying to avoid a plastic surgeon because of the cost, he chuckled and started dialing on his phone. He told his friend that he is sending a patient over ("a young pretty girl") and "she said she has been avoiding a plastic surgeon cos you guys are too expensive."
Am not sure if it helped in giving me a good price but after going to the plastic surgeon (another grandfatherly figure at a rundown clinic at Lucky Plaza), I felt much better and the pinch of $1000 for the operation seemed less painful cos he really seems to know what he is talking about when he explained the situation, the options and the procedures. He said he has to slice more skin around the wound cos it has already turned bad and was caving in. By cutting fresh skin, the scar would be smoother and flatter. He also wanted to stitch 3 layers (because the hole is too big and deep) but in the end he opted for a deeper stitch instead because the flesh is too brittle (or I think he used the word "fibrous").
The process of lying on the operation bed again was actually quite painful... (I have been on it almost on a daily basis from 2 weeks ago). It's the fear of pain combined with the feeling of helplessness. When they place a cloth over my face with just one opening for the cheek area and a light shining at that wound, I honestly feel like I'm at the mercy of whoever it is that is going to cut me up. Then the sharp pains will come either from the jabs or the poking of the area.
I wish with all my heart that this time it will really, really heal. I have a feeling that it will. Dr Chua actually gave me a choice to either wait a few more days to be 100% sure that the wound is clean before sewing it up, or to sew it up now because it looks clean enough. I took the chance to sew it up now cos I am really am quite drained over the whole process. I am praying hard that the next time I post, I will already be on the road to recovery.
P/S: I once again thank my family members and friends for all the care and concern shown through calls, texts etc. It's really very touching to know that everyone is praying for me and trying to cheer me up. I will try my very best to keep my spirits up.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Faith of a mustard seed
Everytime I read the passage about how we could move mountains if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, I always wonder how difficult that could be.
But now, as I go through this extremely testing period fighting the infection and feeling totally helpless about the whole situation, I finally understood what it means. I hate this rollar coaster ride of emotions. I hate acting like a child and crying over a wound that won't heal and keep oozing pus and blood, and the frustration that I can't even do simple things like washing my face or chew properly. I hate the fact that even though I am already trying to do everything I can - eating loads of vitamins, sleeping as much as I can, trying to stay cheerful (unsuccessfully), the situation ain't improving. And most of all, I hate myself for not even wanting to pray anymore cos I doubt it will help, AND THEN feeling guilty about not having enough faith.
I know that there is a reason for everything. I know that God is still in control and He won't make us go through something that we can't take. I know there is something to be learnt in the midst of the mess. It's just that, it is so depressing to fight both physical and mental exhaustion and pain, and at the same time, worry about what my bosses think about me taking time off and mc to see the doctor for the op, the infection, the second op and the daily dressing etc etc. It's a constant battle between me telling myself that I really need to rest and keep a relaxed mind in order for the wound to heal, and me feeling rather irresponsible for resting at home.
I have been showered with loads of words of encouragement, prayers, visits and phone calls these few weeks, and I feel thoroughly blessed and grateful to have so many wonderful people around me. I never like showing my emotions and am clumsy at comforting people, but now I realised that care and concern, even if it's just in the form of a text or email, really goes a long way to someone who is feeling despondent.
The battle is nevertheless internal, and I know I need to have more faith as an individual to get through this trial, which once again humbled me as it's the second time in two years that I realise I am not as strong a person as I thought I'd be... I need to once again go through the drill - hang on, wait, and trust.
But now, as I go through this extremely testing period fighting the infection and feeling totally helpless about the whole situation, I finally understood what it means. I hate this rollar coaster ride of emotions. I hate acting like a child and crying over a wound that won't heal and keep oozing pus and blood, and the frustration that I can't even do simple things like washing my face or chew properly. I hate the fact that even though I am already trying to do everything I can - eating loads of vitamins, sleeping as much as I can, trying to stay cheerful (unsuccessfully), the situation ain't improving. And most of all, I hate myself for not even wanting to pray anymore cos I doubt it will help, AND THEN feeling guilty about not having enough faith.
I know that there is a reason for everything. I know that God is still in control and He won't make us go through something that we can't take. I know there is something to be learnt in the midst of the mess. It's just that, it is so depressing to fight both physical and mental exhaustion and pain, and at the same time, worry about what my bosses think about me taking time off and mc to see the doctor for the op, the infection, the second op and the daily dressing etc etc. It's a constant battle between me telling myself that I really need to rest and keep a relaxed mind in order for the wound to heal, and me feeling rather irresponsible for resting at home.
I have been showered with loads of words of encouragement, prayers, visits and phone calls these few weeks, and I feel thoroughly blessed and grateful to have so many wonderful people around me. I never like showing my emotions and am clumsy at comforting people, but now I realised that care and concern, even if it's just in the form of a text or email, really goes a long way to someone who is feeling despondent.
The battle is nevertheless internal, and I know I need to have more faith as an individual to get through this trial, which once again humbled me as it's the second time in two years that I realise I am not as strong a person as I thought I'd be... I need to once again go through the drill - hang on, wait, and trust.
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
妈妈的手
前几天动了一个小手术，把三个礼拜前生了在脸上的cyst割了出来。在手术床动手术的时侯，医生对我说：“你妈妈真好，在外面等你。”
妈妈上个礼拜来新加坡conference。本来礼拜六就回香港了。后来知道手术安排在礼拜一，特地放下手里的工作，留下来给我壮胆。
今天在送妈妈去机场的途中，突然感到很惭愧。在我最需要的时候，妈妈总会放下自己的事情陪我。拔智慧牙的时候、去法国散心的时候、动手术的时候。。。那一双我常常推开的手，同样是为我们煮饭的手、烫衣服的手、放胶布的手。猛然发觉这些都不是必然的。也渐渐明白什么叫“任劳任怨”。
比起其他妇人，妈妈的手或许是粗炼的。她也说过因为吃药的关系，手指都肿了，戒指也难戴了。但我相信，妈妈的手，绝对比其他妇人的美丽、也让我们产生一辈子的感激。
后记：
妈妈上个礼拜来新加坡conference。本来礼拜六就回香港了。后来知道手术安排在礼拜一，特地放下手里的工作，留下来给我壮胆。
今天在送妈妈去机场的途中，突然感到很惭愧。在我最需要的时候，妈妈总会放下自己的事情陪我。拔智慧牙的时候、去法国散心的时候、动手术的时候。。。那一双我常常推开的手，同样是为我们煮饭的手、烫衣服的手、放胶布的手。猛然发觉这些都不是必然的。也渐渐明白什么叫“任劳任怨”。
比起其他妇人，妈妈的手或许是粗炼的。她也说过因为吃药的关系，手指都肿了，戒指也难戴了。但我相信，妈妈的手，绝对比其他妇人的美丽、也让我们产生一辈子的感激。
后记：
 |
| 戴胶布不化妆上班的第一个礼拜。不过习惯就OK了！ |
 |
| 终于拆线了! 还要戴多五天的特别胶布。 |
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Ouch! Grr! Eh? Oh!
I love this cartoon shared by Hwei today. No, God doesn't miss anything. He is shouldering our burdens for us and He occasionally allows one stone to hit us so that we will remember to look back and Him and know that He is there.
I have prayed that God will bless me with enough good things to keep me going in life, and enough setbacks to keep my feet firmly grounded. I learn to call for help desperately and learn to wait and trust, to fully rely on His help. I know from experience that it always come when the time is right.
Life is not always rosy but I know who is there walking with me. :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
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