Train a child in the way he should go...

"They have short attention span." " They lack joy in worship." "They don't know how to pray." "We need more parents' involvement in the children's spiritual life...." "We need more teachers!" "Got more budget?"

Interesting thoughts from about 20 of us at the Children Ministry retreat held at the British Club today. I had thought that only the worship team (where Mr. Jang and I were involved) faces such issue since we deal with a big group of kids but in fact, the smaller care groups are facing just the same challenges as we do.

My 1000km/h brain immediately thought of the solutions to all these and I was wondering why PC, who was organising the session, kept asking us to hold discussions on the solutions. I realised after lunch that she wants us to think through why we are here in the first place: Our purpose (the "mission" of Children Ministry), Our product (we actually want the children to be disciples of God who produce more and more disciples!), and Our priorities (building an atmostphere of love, a dependence on prayer, a tripartite relationship with parents and the larger church, a word-centred ministry and inculcating the proper knowledge of Christ and the Gospel).

And then we think about Our processes - do we want more parents-teachers interaction, do we want to plan local missions to orphanages and old folks homes, do we try to have a greater alignment of adult worship and children worship? All these will have to be thought through with the first 3 Ps in mind.

The session was peppered with funny moments too - thanks to Mr. Jang. Our team tried to come up with hilarious acrostics e.g. for the values of Children Ministry, we had "iSWAT" - i) not "I" but "others", ii) Servanthood, iii) a heart of Worship, iv) Applying biblical wisdom to life and v) Togetherness in prayer, sharing of each other's burdens and encouragement.

I was also secretly glad that Mr. Jang and I were in the same team - more that just being husband and wife, I think we complement each other well in that I take down notes and do the writing while he does the talking (what he is good at). Also got to learn much from H and EK, who had loads of insightful thoughts.

The session was finally over after long discussions and presentations (and loads and loads of food!) The road to building an effective Children Minstry won't be easy with so many distractions for the kids today, but at least this team of dedicated teachers will persevere to the end despite occasional burntouts! A demonstration of servanthood indeed!

"Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not turn from it." - Proverbs 22:6

Solitude

I love being alone. I love the quietness, the sense of peace and tranquility that makes you go "hmmm, I am breathing in a beautiful, amazing world."

I love the quality time spent with myself be it sitting there pondering over something or picking up my ukulele and singing gentle worship songs. Clears my eyes and mind to "troubles" that shouldn't even be defined as such in the first place, and restores the inner balance I need after a long, hectic day at work.

I love just penning down my thoughts in moments like this, because having the ability to write is something that we take for granted most of the time, let alone typing on a laptop when some poorer parts in the world are still coping with the lack of electricity and illiteracy.

When I am alone, I also learnt to appreciate what good company means, and how I need to strike a balance to ensure the growth of a healthy relationship.

Grow old with me

Something about this photo moved me. I think it speaks of the admiration this uncle has for his lady companion while she went on stage to sing.

He even whipped out his camera and took a photo of her.

I think there is nothing sweeter in this world than knowing that love is still in the air even as you reach your 70s. (^ ^)



Everybody wants to be a hero

It would be quite a pointless question if I were to ask how many people have watched the Avengers. It's one of the hotttest, most action packed movies this season and clearly everyone, or at least 8 out of 10 people, would have seen it.

I grew up with Heman, Sheila and other superheros in HK when I was young too. As a child, I dreamt of flying, doing dangerous stunts, rescuing victims and getting my face plastered all over the newspapers so that the citizens can applaud in awe of my bravery and humanly-impossible heroic acts.

There is nothing wrong with having a hero to look up too, whether they are fictitious or real. It also teaches us that good always triumps over evil. But as I grew older, come across different people and witness different politics in the course of work, I took a different perspective on this issue and ask: Do we really need to be a (super)hero?

1. The superhero wins all the time
The superhero always triumps at the end of the movie. It's a given - no matter what obstacles they come across, they will ride over it (most of the time with their super powers) and gain victory. Good lessons learnt on using your wit, assets and abilities. But learning how to deal with defeats are equally important as gaining victory. Without tasting defeat, and learning how to accept them, you will not experience the true joy of success. Are we then teaching our kids enough about defeat, so that when they grow up, they learn to handle it graciously, take it in their stride, and try harder next time?

2. The superhero is always right
The superhero is always right - his predictions, his reasoning... his words has a sense of aura around him. We always want to be right too, to gain that recognition from others that we smarter, more intelligent, and more enlightened than the rest. But the fact is, we can never always be right! So don't assume for a second that we can. The sooner we accept that, the better we are in being humble in our atttitude in continuous learning.

3. The villain is bad, bad, bad
The villain is always bad in the movie and we are taught that following his ways will lead us to doomsville. But in real life, are we confusing "villains" with just simply nasty people? Putting aside the unpleasant feeling of dealing with theses people, can we find something that we can learn? Develop a habit of staying objective (and sometimes immune) to the meanness of the other person, and then we can find that there is something to be learnt, even from the "villain"!

A night. Packed with action.

Was helping out at Fel's event tonight and was expecting a straight foward event - simple registration duties, taking note of a couple of figures, distributing game sheets and door gifts. Little did I expect that it would be a night filled with drama:
1) Fel cut her finger really badly when she caught it in between the glass door (a spoilt one) as it swung shut. It was literally like a murder scene. Blood was splashed against the glass, dripping down her wrist on the floor and staining the registration table. I think her nail was also split open by the impact. She was ever so calm (like she always is) and I was practically fainting inside. Wanted to get the first aid box but it was beside the stage and the event has already started with Min as GOH. Ran to a nearby shop and nearly screamed for help ("Sorry!!!! First aid, first aid!!!!!!!"). Managed to bundle up her finger together with Yv then gotta redo it again an hour later cos it was just bleeding so badly. She only went to see a doctor after the event is over. Boy, is she my heroine.

2) Saw my former colleague who was there to support Min (I miss them so much!)... it was such a nice surprise cos I didn't expect to see him at all though I did wonder who will be coming down and if I'd know him/her since I was in CS for so long. It's so cool that we are at the same work event together, even though we ain't colleagues anymore!

3) Overheard that someone has fainted while taking part in one of the night's activities. Saw his pale looking face when we changed Fel's dressing at the room beside the hall. Wonder if any media has caught that dramatic moment.

It was still overall a good event - one that I enjoyed despite being really tired by the end of it. I think what makes me feel great is that for the first time since coming, I feel a sense of team spirit. For me, this is what makes me want to stay in a work place. Great colleagues and team work definitely make work fun and worth the effort.

Goodbyes

It was Irys' last day with us at the office on Friday. Although I've only known her for 9 months (we came in at the same time last year), I felt rather attached to her because our characters are quite alike and she is one of the very few people in the office I could truly talk to. That common background from the civil service probably helped... Though there are still nice souls around the current organisation, it is a totally different culture out here. Definitely competitive and not the cosy, family kind of environment from my previous jobs. I will miss her loads! Bye bye girl and hope you will continue to shine in your new job! :(

On Friday, we also said goodbye to the old office in town as we will be moving into a swing space in the wild wild west for the next two months while the current office undergoes renovation. I am actually quite glad to be moving out of the old office, because the place was really getting a tad cluttered from all the stuff handed down from the previous generation of predecessors. It was a painful process of packing and throwing out stuff though and there were quite a few human casualties - poor Irys, in her last few weeks with us, suffered a nose bleed from all the dust from the packing, and I cut myself on the finger from a broken painting. I really hope we can keep the new office tidy!

Une goutte de pluie

Tout ce que je veux, c'est devenir une goutte de pluie. Je voyagerai le monde tout entier et quand j'arrive a la fin de ma vie, j'irais au paradis.

 

Jayesslee in CHC 2 (on 9 Jul 2011)

Have always loved their voices.

Their testimony here is very touching. Maybe because Mom also had cancer before, I can somewhat relate.

Thank God, that He gave Mom another chance at life and to be a testimony of His love - being a volunteer on weekends and a bible study leader on weekdays.

And yes, rejoice in all circumstances!

You jumped...

Over the course of three weeks, I have heard three cases of youngster suicides. Nope, not from the newspapers, but from colleagues and friends which made it all the more "real". I suppose it is nothing new, people choose to end their lives for all sorts of reasons. But it makes me ponder: if you have the courage to jump, why not the courage to live?

It is especially sad to hear young suicide cases because they have so much potential to pick themselves up again after failures. Even if the society seems to give no room for mistakes, can we ourselves learn to break loose from the expectations we or others place on ourselves? It is equally important - learning to succeed and learning to fail.

I don't know if there are any books on learning to fail (I know plenty about learning to succeed). My personal experience from trying to be a perfectionist is to make it a habit to forgive yourself. Forgiving does not equate to justifying your actions or making excuses, but admitting that you were wrong and you made a mistake, sometimes grave enough to hurt more than just yourself. In which case, accept the punishment or consequences with humility, and face tomorrow with a new heart and new hope.

my little buddy

Feeling terribly feverish with an itchy throat since Sunday evening. In fact, I haven't had the time to rest at all the whole week due to vol work on Sat morn and CM duties on Sunday and I was working pretty late last week.

But I couldn't miss seeing my little buddy... wanted to pat his head and to bear hug him though I know he hates it - he probably thinks I am messing up his fur for nothing.

Sis said he has been behaving weirdly, scratching the door (the wrong side of it) in the middle of the night for nothing, barking out of the blue. Definitely signs of old age.

One day, his eyes will fail him but I hope he will always remember those soft touches to his head and the not-so-gentle hugs when I pounce on him. I am always prepared for the day when he will go because I know it will come sooner or late. Till then, I will try to spend as much time with him as I can and hope that he is enjoying his last years on earth with us as a family.

"Surprise!" says God.

"I sent you an email. Read it before you open the letter," B said.

I said a timid "OK" before turning to my comp. It was bonus day (or so they called it) and bosses were handing out letters. But he joked that some of us might need to start packing our bags after opening our letters.

I am about six months into the job and I still haven't received a confirmation letter/email yet. Although HR said no news is good news (meaning confirmation might have already happened without you being informed in this company), the worrisome part of me still went "oh no, is he going to explain why he can't confirm me due to headcount freeze/restructuring etc?" :/

The email read something to the effect of B thinking I did a good job during the short time I am here, and he wants to reflect that in my salary.

I did a double-take when I saw the new figure in the letter. Not because it is a sky-high increment (it isn't), but because it is much more than I expected, given that it's supposed to be pro-rated (if any at all). And certainly it is more than what I think I deserved.

Am once again amazed by all the wonderful surprises God is giving out from time to time. Deeply humbled, and very thankful.

What's your storyline?

Am on 2-days MC from a mild case of food poisoning - technically, 1.5 days since I went back to work this morning and am going to continue working from home today. But it's good to be away from the office. Enjoying the peace and quiet at home, and the ability to just sit in a clean toilet as and when I need to (though my 屁股really开花ed from all the passing of all the what-have-yous). But at least I don't feel like vomitting already. I hate the nausea feeling.

Sunday's sermon touched on our life's storyline. Do we allow God to write the script? He is in fact the script writer of our lives. Sometimes, we deviate from the story he wants us to be in and hurt ourselves, as well as others around us, in the process.

How many times have I done that? Do I actively come back to God's storyline of my life?

In the past, I find it hard to tell what God wants me to do in my life. At decision making points, I would "pray" then haphazard a guess. I have no idea if that decision is right or wrong. Just something that I thought God would want me to do.

But as I grow older, I think God is teaching me how to seek his advice and to look out for the answer to my prayers. I begin to see "signs" of  where He wants me to go, what He wants me to do. And the purpose of putting me in certain situations, both for my own good and for the benefit of others.

Life hasn't changed much since I moved to my new job. In fact, the workload is just as heavy, if not heavier. But I certainly sensed a change in me, something that tells me and reminds me often to slow down, appreciate the things around me, and not to take things so seriously all the time. I feel that I am beginning to enter into another stage of life, going beyond what I used to see into something deeper, a certain sense of peace that can be felt amid the chaos I see.

And I think that is the character God wants me to be in my story. My storyline is being written by a wonderful Creator, and I just need to concentrate on playing my part and be the one He wants me to be!

Month of the travelling roadshow

I feel like I have aged 10 years in the past three weeks. While most people are having a relaxed January getting back into the swing of things after a good December break, I was practically pulling my hair out doing my first ever CEO roadshow. Twenty-one (!!!!) sessions of roadshow with over 3,000 people in total spread across 5 different locations in 9 days within 2 weeks, with sessions starting as early as 8.10am (for registration) and ending as late as 8.30pm in the evening. Four laptops for registration, 24 MAs for rostering, 2 boxes and 20 clipboards for over 950 exit polls. Consolidating daily attendance and doing data entry concurrently at night when I reached home. Arriving at the venue by 7am almost every morning then worrying about 2B who was holding onto 2 lappies but was perpetually late due to traffic jams (bad accidents!)

How did I survived?

And it was probably due to the lack of rest that my cyst problem came back. Have two additional stitches on my face now, on top of the first one. Scarface X 2.

In the midst of all the madness, thank God for providing help in the form of very helpful and diligent MAs (ok most, not all - there was one who made me wonder if he was trying to escape from his duties and was only there for the food). And then, a surprise awaited me on the second last day of the roadshow. When I came back to the office, my colleague grinned and pointed to the table.

It was a handwritten note and a hamper from none other than CEO.

"Dear Grace

With just four roadshows left and Chinese New Year approaching, I want to thank you for managing the roadshows so diligently and to wish you and your family a happy & successful year of the Dragon

恭喜发财 (in ang moh handwritting)

Alex"

Heart melts. And even if it's just a regift (which is likely so cos I don't think CEO will really go and buy a hamper just for his staff), it was really a very kind gesture of appreciation.

Praise the Lord for His never failing providence, grace, comfort and encouragement.

Four times Christmas at Cafe Lumiere

26 Dec, Singapore - Following its soft launch earlier in the month, Cafe Lumiere officially opened its doors to host four Christmas gathering over the long weekend. It first welcomed a care group cum pot luck dinner on Friday evening, which ended at 1.30am and broke the record of previous care groups hosted. It was mainly due to the difficult book of Isaiah, which somehow ended up into a prolonged discussion on tithing. The co-owners, Grace and Mr. Jang, had no recollection of how the topic has gone off the path.

On Christmas eve, Cafe Lumiere hosted a close group of colleagues from Grace's old office, Meeka.  It was the first lunch that Grace ever prepared in the sit down western meal kind of setting. There was pork rib (from NTUC), honey baked ham (from NTUC), wine (from NTUC), and a gigantic log cake (from NTUC). The non-NTUC items were pasta, stringed pineapple and cheese hotdog, and salad with homemade vinaigrette dressing. When asked how she felt on her first attempt to prepare a meal, Grace said: "I was really excited and am just glad that there are no reports of food poisoning thus far! The only negative comment I had was from ex-colleague, Meds, who said my fireplace decor failed... But that's sort of OK coming from Meds!" She quipped.

The Christmas eve dinner session was dedicated to Mr. Jang's JC and majong friends. Interestingly, Cafe Lumiere is also known as MJC - the short form for "Majong Club". True to its name, MJC members presented a majong table as a housewarming gift to the couple. It was quickly put to good use after the members had their Christmas feast and the party ended at 3am in the morning, or so Grace heard as she has already collapsed into her four-poster bed slightly after midnight due to the long day spent in the kitchen.

As for Christmas day, it was a relief for the owners that the party only started around 7pm. Grace and Mr. Jang were exhausted from helping out at the Children Ministry in the morning. Some of the junior kids apparently ate the chocolate stars that they hid in the santuary for the older kids. The latter could not find the complete set of stars for them to piece together the words of "SAVE", "(L)AMB", "H(O)PE" and "LOV(E)". The couple spent some time trying in vain to locate the stars which had mysteriously gone missing.

At 7pm, Grace and Mr Jang welcomed their friends and family to Cafe Lumiere for the grand finale Christmas Day dinner. And what a feast the group had - it was all from a catering service! But it was all made cosy and personalised by the wonderful presents, desserts, and wine brought by their pals. The Christmas spirit was further enhanced by the fact that everyone came dressed in the theme of "Winter" albeit with various interpretations - tropical winter, temperate winter, but luckily no north-pole winter as the air-con could only go as low as 17C. Come gift exchange time, everyone had a fantastic time unwrapping the goodies brought by one another. Even Grace's brother-in-law, OSH, bought a proper gift from L'Occitane this time round. Suspiciously though, he did not know what L'Occitane is when asked. Being the good wife that she is, Est, Grace's sister, refused to comment when asked if she bought the gift on his behalf. The night ended on a high note as the group laughed their guts out watching an old movie, 唐伯虎点秋香.

We bring you some photo highlights from the dinner finale, which is not a lot as Grace was either too busy in the kitchen or at the dining area eating. For the rest of the other events, there were no photos taken from Grace's phone cam (she totally forgot).

Cafe Lumiere wishes all a Merry Christmas once again!

Cafe Lumiere co-owner Grace (right) with her favourite sister Esther (left) and dog Almonn. She calls them collectively: Sismonn.

Almonn was almost put up for sale, if not for his hidden ferocious character. 

The Crazy Trio from Sec One. From left: Grace, Chick, and Hwei.

(*Grace realised that she also forgot to take a Christmas photo with cafe co-owner and husband, Mr. Jang. Oopsie!)

20th anniversary 万岁!

Mr. Jang and I emceed for gugu and gucheung's 20th anniversary dinner at Shangri-La hotel today. It was a wonderful evening of worship and it felt great to be in a room full of people that shared a common love for God.

At the end of the day, a marriage definitely needs to be centered on God in order for it to work. He needs to be involved in every process of home building.

Praise God for gugu and gucheung's lovely marriage! :)

Birthday log cake! :)



Colleagues gave me a birthday log cake and $40 Capitaland vouchers as birthday present today. Yes, another chocolate cake! Yippie!

To be honest, it was a little awkward cos my new colleagues (except for Irys!) are all quite serious and I thought this birthday celebration felt more like a birthday SOP rather than a genuine celebration. But I really appreciated the gesture and the thought that went behind buying the cake and the vouchers. The cake tasted super yummy (belgium dark chocolate!)

I sincerely think that it is important to have more get togethers like this. It's important to build a culture that is not solely focused on work alone. We are all humans behind the computers and emails afterall.

Hopefully, there will be more occasions for us to get together like this, not just for birthdays or Christmas. A comfortable and welcoming office environment - that's what makes people want to come to work.

So bosses, take the lead and make the difference!

martinis + cakes = happy me

I didn't put the group photo here because I am not sure if they will be comfortable having their photo uploaded on blogs (FB is another matter!) so I just put this happy photo of myself with two glasses of lychee martini.

Am very grateful that they had included me in the celebration of the December babies even though they are more of Mr. Jang's buddies. I seldom join in the gatherings and I always hide behind Mr. Jang but they are always very nice and kind. I even have birthday presents and a mini cake!

Thank you, thank you! :)

More than just moving...

"Survived" my first week at the new house. I used that word because it was with much reluctance that I came to terms with the fact that yes indeed I had moved out of my parents' house. I had a shock when Mr. Jang told me last Sunday that we would not be going back, when I had thought that the move was only temporary. I felt that I was suddenly yanked out of my home, and I didn't have time to say my goodbyes.

I still miss everything terribly. I only pulled through the first week because I can still see Sis and BIL regularly especially when I go to work cos Sis will swing by to pick me up and when I go home to get my stuff. This and the fantastic surprise birthday party that the gang gave me two days ago. Totally made my day.

I miss my little buddy. No matter how hard Mr. Jang tried to tell me that Almonn is no longer my dog (I don't believe it for a single moment) and that he cannot come cos he will scratch the furniture and dirty the place if he comes, I am still very attached to him and I miss him every single day. I think what Mr. Jang doesn't realise is that I can always earn back the money used to refurbish the house or buy back the furniture if there is any damage. But the feelings you have for your pet is something that can never be replaced. I appreciate the efforts that he has made to make the transition less painful and I probably sound selfish when I say this, I will not remember how nice my first house is or how beautiful the furniture is, but I will remember that I miss Almonn every single day that I moved in and that I am forbidden to bring him here with me. :(



First night at new place

The last item on the list i.e. the Internet connection, is finally up. I have officially moved in!

After close to nine months of dragging our feets and then getting a contractor to work on the house and finally moving some of the essential stuff over, I can now say that WE HAVE OFFICIALLY MOVED IN!

To be honest, we are far from staying here on a permanent basis. Not yet, at least. We are only here because we need to vacate the study room at Dad and Mom's place for Uncle Chris and Aunt Jessie. They are visiting us from Canada and will be here until Monday.

Nonetheless, this is still an exciting development. We will be spending our first night at the new house in the new four-poster bed. I have just tested the water pressure and water temperature at the bathroom and it was amazing.

I am going to miss Sis, BIL and Almonn so much once I start staying here on a more regular basis and when the novelty wears off. Mr. Jang has a lot of entertainment at night and I will probably be spending loads of evenings alone at our new home.

 

Perhaps I can sneak back to Mom's place as and when possible. Or, I can always bring my security blanket over so that I can still have the smell of home.

Overseas work trips rock!

I am on the executive floor of Langham Place, lying on the bed in my bathrobe with a specially requested green tea scented pillow beside me, ready to take me to the sweetest dream of dreams. I just had a nice, hot bath, pampering myself with the body scrub while watching the news on the plasma TV at the same time through the glass window. And tomorrow, tommorrow I will enjoy my quiet breakfast at the lounge which has a not-too-spectacular-but-good-enough view of the Mong Kok area.

I am throwing all thoughts of discontinuing with this job and finding other one out of the full length glass window... for these three days.  For now I will just concentrate on enjoying the perks of this job.

(P/S: oh yes... of course of course I find the course useful but that's not the main point...)

Breakfast at executive lounge Club L.

This post-it from the hotel brought a smile to my face. Yes, we need to locate our button and shut down. 

Hubs the 阿Q

I needed constant counselling from Mr. Jang these few days cos I simply don't understand how I can feel so down all the time. Asked him what my strengths and shortcomings are yesterday and he said, "Your strength is the ability to think systematically, plan ahead, and do things with consistency. But that also means that you are less flexible with the way you do things so when things don't go according to your plans, you become unhappy. You have to learn to be inconsistent and try different ways if something doesn't work out, like me."

I said aren't you worried that people might say you are incapable or do not have principles/perseverance etc etc? He said, "Why do you always feel you need to explain your actions to people? Don't have to keep being worried if people will think badly of you. Most of the time people don't. Even if people want to say bad things, just let it be. Will you die? No you won't."

He said this is what he called his "阿Q精神" and that because he has already come into contact with so many different types of people during his school days and working life, he learnt to keep this fighting and positive spirit no matter how people trampled on him. He said this is the difference between me and him, someone from a protective home environment with good grades from good schools, and someone from a poorer family with average grades from neighbourhood schools. He has more opportunities to learn life lessons eariler and to do things in more than one way especially when the "template ways" don't work.

I have honestly told him many times before that I think he talks too much for a guy. 

At times like these though, I know why God put a talkative guy in my life instead of a studious one, which has always been my type. While the studious one can probably give me strategic advice, he will never be able to offer me these weird perspectives and put a smile on my face (or make me roll my eyes) like this talkative guy does.

God knows best.

Seeking a second opinion + going to the plastic surgeon

After endless trips to the company doctor and unsuccessful tries to sew up the wound, I finally took Mom's advice to go for a second opinion at a proper surgeon. Dr Lim was Mom's surgeon more than 10 years back and I was really skeptical about his skills (am sure his eyesight would have deteriorated since he was already 50 plus ten years back).

My trip to his clinic turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. He took a look at the infected wound, thought for a while, and told me honestly that while he is a surgeon, he has never done any surgery on the face and hence he strongly recommends me to go to a plastic surgeon as "it is the right thing to do". When I told him that I have been trying to avoid a plastic surgeon because of the cost, he chuckled and started dialing on his phone. He told his friend that he is sending a patient over ("a young pretty girl") and "she said she has been avoiding a plastic surgeon cos you guys are too expensive."

Am not sure if it helped in giving me a good price but after going to the plastic surgeon (another grandfatherly figure at a rundown clinic at Lucky Plaza), I felt much better and the pinch of $1000 for the operation seemed less painful cos he really seems to know what he is talking about when he explained the situation, the options and the procedures. He said he has to slice more skin around the wound cos it has already turned bad and was caving in. By cutting fresh skin, the scar would be smoother and flatter. He also wanted to stitch 3 layers (because the hole is too big and deep) but in the end he opted for a deeper stitch instead because the flesh is too brittle (or I think he used the word "fibrous").

The process of lying on the operation bed again was actually quite painful... (I have been on it almost on a daily basis from 2 weeks ago). It's the fear of pain combined with the feeling of helplessness. When they place a cloth over my face with just one opening for the cheek area and a light shining at that wound, I honestly feel like I'm at the mercy of whoever it is that is going to cut me up. Then the sharp pains will come either from the jabs or the poking of the area.

I wish with all my heart that this time it will really, really heal. I have a feeling that it will. Dr Chua actually gave me a choice to either wait a few more days to be 100% sure that the wound is clean before sewing it up, or to sew it up now because it looks clean enough. I took the chance to sew it up now cos I am really am quite drained over the whole process. I am praying hard that the next time I post, I will already be on the road to recovery.

P/S: I once again thank my family members and friends for all the care and concern shown through calls, texts etc. It's really very touching to know that everyone is praying for me and trying to cheer me up. I will try my very best to keep my spirits up.

Faith of a mustard seed

Everytime I read the passage about how we could move mountains if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, I always wonder how difficult that could be.

But now, as I go through this extremely testing period fighting the infection and feeling totally helpless about the whole situation, I finally understood what it means. I hate this rollar coaster ride of emotions. I hate acting like a child and crying over a wound that won't heal and keep oozing pus and blood, and the frustration that I can't even do simple things like washing my face or chew properly. I hate the fact that even though I am already trying to do everything I can - eating loads of vitamins, sleeping as much as I can, trying to stay cheerful (unsuccessfully), the situation ain't improving. And most of all, I hate myself for not even wanting to pray anymore cos I doubt it will help, AND THEN feeling guilty about not having enough faith.

I know that there is a reason for everything. I know that God is still in control and He won't make us go through something that we can't take. I know there is something to be learnt in the midst of the mess. It's just that, it is so depressing to fight both physical and mental exhaustion and pain, and at the same time, worry about what my bosses think about me taking time off and mc to see the doctor for the op, the infection, the second op and the daily dressing etc etc. It's a constant battle between me telling myself that I really need to rest and keep a relaxed mind in order for the wound to heal, and me feeling rather irresponsible for resting at home.

I have been showered with loads of words of encouragement, prayers, visits and phone calls these few weeks, and I feel thoroughly blessed and grateful to have so many wonderful people around me. I never like showing my emotions and am clumsy at comforting people, but now I realised that care and concern, even if it's just in the form of a text or email, really goes a long way to someone who is feeling despondent.

The battle is nevertheless internal, and I know I need to have more faith as an individual to get through this trial, which once again humbled me as it's the second time in two years that I realise I am not as strong a person as I thought I'd be... I need to once again go through the drill - hang on, wait, and trust.

妈妈的手

前几天动了一个小手术，把三个礼拜前生了在脸上的cyst割了出来。在手术床动手术的时侯，医生对我说：“你妈妈真好，在外面等你。”

妈妈上个礼拜来新加坡conference。本来礼拜六就回香港了。后来知道手术安排在礼拜一，特地放下手里的工作，留下来给我壮胆。

今天在送妈妈去机场的途中，突然感到很惭愧。在我最需要的时候，妈妈总会放下自己的事情陪我。拔智慧牙的时候、去法国散心的时候、动手术的时候。。。那一双我常常推开的手，同样是为我们煮饭的手、烫衣服的手、放胶布的手。猛然发觉这些都不是必然的。也渐渐明白什么叫“任劳任怨”。

比起其他妇人，妈妈的手或许是粗炼的。她也说过因为吃药的关系，手指都肿了，戒指也难戴了。但我相信，妈妈的手，绝对比其他妇人的美丽、也让我们产生一辈子的感激。

后记：

戴胶布不化妆上班的第一个礼拜。不过习惯就OK了！

终于拆线了! 还要戴多五天的特别胶布。

Ouch! Grr! Eh? Oh!

I love this cartoon shared by Hwei today. No, God doesn't miss anything. He is shouldering our burdens for us and He occasionally allows one stone to hit us so that we will remember to look back and Him and know that He is there.

I have prayed that God will bless me with enough good things to keep me going in life, and enough setbacks to keep my feet firmly grounded. I learn to call for help desperately and learn to wait and trust, to fully rely on His help. I know from experience that it always come when the time is right.

Life is not always rosy but I know who is there walking with me. :)

Sweet memories of Italy

how I tried to memorise the whole of Psalm 23 in 10 mins.

Daydreaming about France

Read my own blog posts on the trip I had in France with Mom last year - we had so much fun. Reading it just make me yearn for another Europe holiday soon. And I should have brought my netbook to Italy. Nothing beats reading about your own memories of where you went, what you ate, what you bought, what you did.

Reims Cathedral
(linked from http://bienvenue1400910.pbworks.com) 

And on cold, raining, windy nights like this, I miss Reims the most - the place where I pursued my dreams. Reims is actually a forgettable place, if you ask me. There really isn't much to see compared to the bigger cities. But precisely because it is such a small town, there is an easy sense of security and familiarity, and that's what made it so homely. 

I may perhaps be biased. I loved the people I met there: Lili (who has since disappeared), Haoxiang (with whom I still meet up whenever I visit France), and Chen Bo (whom I see once in a blue moon online). I missed the kind of bonding that is shared by people in a foreign place who missed home and yet found comfort in the company of others whom they barely knew for a short period of time but felt attached to. It's like huddling together for warmth in a lost forest and baring your hearts cos you know that given that kind of situation, there is really nothing much to hide.

I am planning another France trip next year. I may eventually grow bored of the country one day, after I finished exploring every corner of it. But until then, I am making it an important annual 加油站 for myself. 

Reflections

The above pretty much summed up my current state of mind.

I will wait on the Lord. I'll learn my lessons well. When it's time, He will tell me what to do, where to go, what to say.

Loving the unlovables (postscript)

I think I might have found the answer to the question I was asking myself a few days ago - how to love the unlovables.

Today's sermon was "You don't have to fail". It was preached in the context of the book of Corinthians, where Paul was faced with unfair accusations about his gospel work. On top of giving a background of what happened during that era and why Paul wrote those letters, DRG also shared with us a real life example of a pastor who was falsely accused of not being there for his church members. Although he was eventually acquitted of the charges brought against him, he felt deeply unappreciated and taken for granted for his hard work, and as a result of his bitterness, his church was weakened.

I remembered this example because I learnt today that what life does for us, depends on what life finds in us. We are to have a clear conscience, a forgiving heart, and a triumphant faith. When faced with unfair criticism and accusations, we are to first make sure that our conscience is clear by not letting unwholesome talk come out of our mouths but only what is helpful for building other up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen (Ephesians 4:29). Secondly, we are to forgive those that hurt us by placing their feelings before ourselves and reaffirm our love for them, lest Satan has a foothold on the church and attack with our judgmental attitude. Thirdly, we should continuing serving with the surety that God is leading us, come what may. Our competence comes from God, and we do not fight for victory but from victory.

Going back to my earlier question, the lesson learnt today then is simple. Yes, there are unlovables all around - you and I are sometimes one too. But love them all the same. Build them up by saying encouraging words and give due consideration to their feelings because for all we know, they are probably already feeling bitter and frustrated about the way they behave too. And remember, we don't need to fight as victims in unfair  circumstances, because we are already victors in this life.

It is with this sense of enlightenment that I prepare to enter another week of what I would have termed as "chaos" earlier on. Now, I think it is God's way of telling me: "Now that I have given you the answer to your question, go and put into practise what you have learnt this week." 

My reply? "Sure, Dad. I will probably fall along the way but I know you will always be around to step in where necessary.  In case I got discouraged and can't see you amid the crowd though, just remember to give me a wave."

Be the miracle

From The Straits Times, 10 September 2011

Read the above this morning while I was having buffet brunch at Ku De Ta, MBS SkyPark. Love the fact that I can just print screen ST articles via iPad, but don't think I can do this any longer unless I start paying for the app - convenience comes at a price.

Anyway, one of them was making a point along the lines that bosses should give time off to staff who does voluntary work, so that they can feel less stressed about the work load. In reality, I am sure no one will feel less stressed after taking time off; on the contrary, you feel more stressed cos the work will just pile up while you are gone and when you come back in the office, you face a mountain of items to follow up. That's how the working life is.

But should this deter people from volunteering? Apparently not. From what I see in the new office, there seems to be no lack of volunteers for the whole range of CSR activities. In fact, I have just taken part in my first volunteer activity today to celebrate mid-autumn festival with old folks, and from my observation, most of the volunteers are quite seasoned and they maintain a strong passion to serve.

Personally, I think being involved in voluntary work, or any other meaningful activity for that matter, helps to put things in perspective. For one, it's good to have a sense of purpose outside work. You feel accomplished when you see that you have made a difference in someone's life, no matter how small. Two, when you are around the underprivileged and see the circumstances they are going through, you feel all of a sudden that your problems are actually quite... insignificant.

The folks whom I met today... well, some looked really old and might not be around next year. But I sense their gratitude for the event which we organised for them. I sense their joy when a couple of them started dancing at the side during the KTV session. And I want to thank them, for making me feel that I have helped make them happy, even if it's only for half a day.

In Bruce Almighty, God challenged Bruce: "Be the miracle." I realised that miracles are not BIG things that happen everyday; it's the small things that people overlook. And you will never know what big things a small smile can do. And hence, no matter how miniscule a role my voluntary work is, I am challenging myself today - to be a miracle in someone's life.

Loving the unlovables

I had a couple of encounters with pitiful old folks these two days after office hours in Shenton way. Yesterday, while I was walking towards the car park to meet Sis, I saw a frail old lady standing near the traffic light. Unlike most persistent tissue-selling aunties, this old lady looked a bit lost and was standing some distance away from the passers-by with her arms half out-stretched, as if she didn't want to bother people with her packets of tissue. Something about the lonely sight of her tugged at my heartstrings and I approached her with the intention to buy three packets. I found out that she didn't have change for a $5 note, so I said: "Auntie, 没关系，给我三包就好了". But she insisted on handing me the entire packet: "没关系的，你可以拿回家慢慢用." I didn't want to deprive her of the entire packet since she looked so pitiful, so I bluffed her and said I have no space in my bag and she would only need to give me three packets. The funny thing was once I said that, she seemed to sense that I was taking pity on her and she retreated, saying it's ok I can come back and buy next time when I have change and I should go now that the traffic light has turned green. And then, she wobbled away into the crowd...

This evening, while I was again walking towards the MRT to meet Sis, I saw a thin old man pushing a cart up the slope in front of Singapore Land Tower. There was a woman seated in the cart and her hair was real short - the kind of hairstyle people would see on cancer patients. I could tell that the old man was having difficulties pushing the cart, cos it was inching closer and closer towards the wall. I hesitated, then asked: "Uncle,  需要帮忙吗?" The uncle was so focused on pushing the cart that he didn't hear me, but the old lady seated in the cart did. She gave me a small smile and said: "没关系". I didn't insist, partly because I was rushing for time, and partly because I didn't know if I should ask again. In the end, I just smiled back and walked away, but I couldn't resist looking back to see if they are alright...

I know I've always had a soft spot for old people, and my heart truly goes out to them. But what I realised from these two episodes is the amount of respect I have for people with 骨气. In both instances, they could have easily received help from me or for that old auntie, she could have asked for $10 and I could have given her. But she did not. And that's what makes her so lovable and in my definition, worthy of help and love. They maintained their dignity even when they are in a really dire state.

On the contrary, I also came to realise what little patience and love I have for people who are constantly griping about their apparent misfortunes and are unappreciative. I have subconsciously developed this bad habit of categorising people into "lovables" and "unlovables" and then correspondingly into "worthy" or "not worthy" of love and help. To the best of my effort, very few people I know fall into the "unlovable" category and my pool of "lovables" are definitely much bigger in comparison. But once a person has fallen into the "unlovable" category, it probably will take a miracle to shift that person back to the other more loving category.

By reflecting on this point, I realised in horror what a judgmental person I am. I said it's a bad habit because, for goodness' sake, who am I to judge? In the first place, although I try to be the best person I could, I am definitely not that lovable all the time either.

So what should I do? I figured that as much as I try not to, the human in me will still be judgmental to a certain extent, so instead of forcing myself not to categorise people, the better way to tackle this problem would be to first learn how to treat everyone with the same kind of love? It is a tough job because let's face it, some people can be really unbearable... (oh crap, here I go again, bad grace). But perhaps the way to do it is to start with the people around me first. I have already identified a couple who will likely feel a strange and forced sense of brightness from me the next few days. It's going to be awkward but I will try.

Remembering 911

I remembered receiving the call from my parents while Sis and I were driving home from school. The news was a simple yet eerie one - 2 planes had crashed into New York's World Trade Centre and no one knew why. We rushed home and switched on the news to see endless replay of the second plane crashing into the tower and images of people running around. I remembered feeling for the first time that time had stood still and that we must be all living in a big nightmare because it couldn't be true. Then I remembered running to the photo drawer and pulling out a photo that my parents took of Sis and me on top of the World Trade Centre a year ago, because Mom had won first class tickets to New York on CX and my parents took us and Grandma along for the trip. I wouldn't exactly call it a close brush with death, since we were there one year ago, but I certainly sensed a chilly feeling of that-could-have-been-us.

The incident still haunts me after 10 years, even though I don't personally know of anyone who has been affected by this horrible event. Reading articles on this, especially as we come nearer to its 10th anniversary, reminds me once again how fragile life is and anything can happen anytime. Crap, this week I read a report of a man who died from choking on his inflight meal on Jetstar. Earlier this evening, I watched a documentary about a man who hung himself as he was too stressed over his work (he couldn't sleep properly cos he was worried about wrong calculations at work.) And then the other day in Taiwan, while we were heading back from Jiufen, we saw an accident between a lorry and a motorcyclist (Mom saw blood oozing out from the helmet of the limp rider and he/she probably is a goner). All these just tell me again and again and again, to cherish those who are still alive, not get pissed over petty things and prioritise my attention on things that matter more, like friends and family.

One decade on, the victims' families are still coping with their losses. I am pretty sure it would take a long, long time to fill up the void feeling. One never forgets, especially when lives are taken away in such a sudden, shocking manner.On this coming 10th anniversary of 911, I want to extend a hand of comfort to those who are still mourning and finding it hard to come to terms with their tragic loss.

Heavenly reminders

God really works in AMAZING ways.

I was at Comex a few days ago and was contemplating whether to trade in my HP mini to offset the price of a new one. The cost of trade in is probably just 50 bucks, but I was thinking then better trade in than to leave it unused at home. Mr. Jang tried convincing me to donate it to Filo, our church's community outreach arm. I was thinking then who would want a second hand netbook since its processing power is not that good, but I listened to him anyway. When we asked Joshua, one of the Filos coordinator, on Sunday whether they need a second hand laptop, turns out that one of the needy family was indeed asking for it a few days ago and it just so happened that we have one to donate. Really praise God for how He always make things fall into place!

To add on, I was actually feeling pretty "home-sick" at work because I really missed my colleagues from my old office. The new work environment is nice and the people are friendly, but they work differently and I am still in the midst of adjusting to the new environment (actually, am thinking that I am doing pretty well given that it has just been one month). And today, just when I was again missing the meeks folks, the new guy came in and it turns out that he used to be from meeks eons ago and he know YC, dajie, Julia, YS, Mr Woon etc! And I was thinking, Oh God, this has got to be YOU. You always answer to my needs when I least expect it! There was this huge feeling of gratitude, and also shame when I realised how little faith I have. It's like God sending me a gentle reminder on a basic truth: Where God leads, He provides.

The sermon on Sunday was "Down but not out". One of the points that left an impression on me was that nothing is coincidence or fate. Everything is by divine appointment and in times of need, God always sends comfort in various forms to strengthen us. So dear Lord, remember we are humans and humans forget. Remind me to not stop believing and to keep the faith going.

A morning worth waking up for!

I always dread waking up early on Saturday mornings because it's the only day where I could sleep in, which is why I sometimes hesitate to make appointments on Saturday mornings, even brunch! Today, however, I am glad I made the extra effort to wake up AND dress up slightly to have brunch with chick, sis and BIL at White Rabbit.



Sis looks happy while waiting for her food.

Chick deep in thought about her upcoming wedding?

We had egg benedict, lobster and cheese omelette, linguine aglio olio, and... ok, I forgot the name of the dish BIL ordered. The food was good but it clearly wasn't the differentiating factor - the ambience was. I think it beat the PS cafe at Ann Siang Hill where we went two weeks ago with Godpa. There was just something really magical about the church-like architecture with its high ceilings and stained glass windows.



linguine aglio olio

egg benedict

lobster and cheese omelette

I forgot what this is called but it's supposed to be real good!

There was a wedding going on when we were having brunch and us being us, we took advantage of the setting at the alfresco area to take some photos (after the guests have left, of course). Check out how we attempted to do an "outdoor" photoshoot ourselves, with us as the models and us as the photographer, while BIL tried not to look too embarrassed by us.

The return of the family trip. Of endless shopping, eating, and raining (yes!)

淡水

Following last year’s first ever family trip to Bangkok which turned out to be so much fun, we headed to the famous land of XXXL 鸡扒 Taipei this time round to continue with the annual overseas trip tradition. The weather was less than perfect (can’t expect much when you travel with the rain goddess especially when she decided to summon a typhoon) but everyone’s spirits were overall positive. Within a short span of four days, we managed to cover most of the key attractions in Taipei AND went a short way out to 九份 and 金瓜石 where the 老街 and old mine were.

九份老街

If I were to choose the top three highlights of the trip, it would be the night market food, the walk along the old streets in九份 and 淡水, and the hotel itself (which Dad so generously booked for all of us).

Quote Hotel

Nespresso machine and free flow of minibar

Umpteenth bowl of 卤肉饭

Random things that you may (not) know

1. I have an itchy backside. I cannot stay in one place for long and I hope my current job will bring me closer to my dream of being a travel writer when I retire.

2. I am not just simple-minded. My bodily functions are simple and uncomplicated as well. More often than not, as soon as I eat, I feel an urgency to poo. After the pooing bit, the feeling of hunger comes almost immediately. It's like the need to refill the cookie jar as soon as it is emptied. Don't ask me why. I am guessing it's just an extremely high rate of metabolism.

3. I find myself full of irony. For instance, I am generally a happy person, but I am also an extreme worrier. Therefore, given these two conditions, I fluctuate back and forth from being Ms Sunshine to Ms Grumpy. Sometimes in a matter of seconds. When I was young, Mom used to observe that I always turned into Ms Grumpy just before dinner time. She called it 'the six o'clock syndrome'.

4. I love pink not because I am girly. I just feel happy when I see pink stuff. But I've got to stop buying pink especially for office items. I think it's scaring my new colleagues.

5. I am an extremely homely person. I love hiding at home and not go out (unless it's for a holiday!)

Bye, Karishma! :'(

Saying goodbye to wonderful intern, Karishma, who has been such a great help in my first week at the new office. Don't know how I would have done it without her patiently guiding me through the endless technical procedures in getting the internal comms things done. Mind you, she is only 19 and she is already functioning like a full-time staff within a short time frame of 3 months. I am totally in awe of her capabilities!

Thanks for everything, Karishma. Here's wishing you all the best for the new semester... You can certainly go far, girl!

Gratitude

Have cultivated a habit of taking notes during sermon so that I can flip back and remember what was taught. Last Sunday's sermon on gratitude from Psalm 136:1-26 was particularly meaning to me cos I have the tendency to feel grumpy. And I thank God for the timely reminder to make a conscious decision to focus on the blessings of God and have a heart that overflows with thankfulness.

I should learn to be thankful for everything, even things that people always complain about, by looking at it from a different angle. Bitterness and depression will not grow in the heart of of a thankful man! Jiayou jiayou!

Updates

I should really be writing about my new job, how it's been like having gone through two full days of intensive learning and on-the-job training. But putting it down in words would make it sound rather depressing - what with ending my first day of work close to 11pm, and being already in operation on my second day. On the bright side, I felt really encouraged by the fact that I am still feeling positive about the whole experience. I am getting a taste of what I wanted. Good or bad, I know I will persevere.

Like what one of my church friend said, "Give God a free rein in all that we are. Don't shortchange God and limit Him with our sins, prejudices, doubts and fears. Let's experience His fullest this week!"

Work aside, I want to pen down some thoughts regarding the recent Italy trip. The weather was superb and the amazing summer sale took our breathe (and savings) away. But above it all, it was really the quality time spent with hubs that made the whole trip unforgettably fantastic. It was pure sweet fun, us not having to worry about the pile of work waiting at the office when we get back from our leave (though we did joke about not having a job when we come back). I think I haven't had such a good time since God knows when. I guess what I really want to say is, nothing beats the feeling of being with someone you love undistracted. I hope that as I start on this new job, I will remember to take it easy and not let work take over my life like how it used to be. I know I really have to put into practice this personal choice of family above everything else, and I pray that God will grant me the strength to overcome those bad habits of mine!