Overseas work trips rock!

I am on the executive floor of Langham Place, lying on the bed in my bathrobe with a specially requested green tea scented pillow beside me, ready to take me to the sweetest dream of dreams. I just had a nice, hot bath, pampering myself with the body scrub while watching the news on the plasma TV at the same time through the glass window. And tomorrow, tommorrow I will enjoy my quiet breakfast at the lounge which has a not-too-spectacular-but-good-enough view of the Mong Kok area.

I am throwing all thoughts of discontinuing with this job and finding other one out of the full length glass window... for these three days.  For now I will just concentrate on enjoying the perks of this job.

(P/S: oh yes... of course of course I find the course useful but that's not the main point...)

Breakfast at executive lounge Club L.

This post-it from the hotel brought a smile to my face. Yes, we need to locate our button and shut down. 

Hubs the 阿Q

I needed constant counselling from Mr. Jang these few days cos I simply don't understand how I can feel so down all the time. Asked him what my strengths and shortcomings are yesterday and he said, "Your strength is the ability to think systematically, plan ahead, and do things with consistency. But that also means that you are less flexible with the way you do things so when things don't go according to your plans, you become unhappy. You have to learn to be inconsistent and try different ways if something doesn't work out, like me."

I said aren't you worried that people might say you are incapable or do not have principles/perseverance etc etc? He said, "Why do you always feel you need to explain your actions to people? Don't have to keep being worried if people will think badly of you. Most of the time people don't. Even if people want to say bad things, just let it be. Will you die? No you won't."

He said this is what he called his "阿Q精神" and that because he has already come into contact with so many different types of people during his school days and working life, he learnt to keep this fighting and positive spirit no matter how people trampled on him. He said this is the difference between me and him, someone from a protective home environment with good grades from good schools, and someone from a poorer family with average grades from neighbourhood schools. He has more opportunities to learn life lessons eariler and to do things in more than one way especially when the "template ways" don't work.

I have honestly told him many times before that I think he talks too much for a guy. 

At times like these though, I know why God put a talkative guy in my life instead of a studious one, which has always been my type. While the studious one can probably give me strategic advice, he will never be able to offer me these weird perspectives and put a smile on my face (or make me roll my eyes) like this talkative guy does.

God knows best.

Seeking a second opinion + going to the plastic surgeon

After endless trips to the company doctor and unsuccessful tries to sew up the wound, I finally took Mom's advice to go for a second opinion at a proper surgeon. Dr Lim was Mom's surgeon more than 10 years back and I was really skeptical about his skills (am sure his eyesight would have deteriorated since he was already 50 plus ten years back).

My trip to his clinic turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made. He took a look at the infected wound, thought for a while, and told me honestly that while he is a surgeon, he has never done any surgery on the face and hence he strongly recommends me to go to a plastic surgeon as "it is the right thing to do". When I told him that I have been trying to avoid a plastic surgeon because of the cost, he chuckled and started dialing on his phone. He told his friend that he is sending a patient over ("a young pretty girl") and "she said she has been avoiding a plastic surgeon cos you guys are too expensive."

Am not sure if it helped in giving me a good price but after going to the plastic surgeon (another grandfatherly figure at a rundown clinic at Lucky Plaza), I felt much better and the pinch of $1000 for the operation seemed less painful cos he really seems to know what he is talking about when he explained the situation, the options and the procedures. He said he has to slice more skin around the wound cos it has already turned bad and was caving in. By cutting fresh skin, the scar would be smoother and flatter. He also wanted to stitch 3 layers (because the hole is too big and deep) but in the end he opted for a deeper stitch instead because the flesh is too brittle (or I think he used the word "fibrous").

The process of lying on the operation bed again was actually quite painful... (I have been on it almost on a daily basis from 2 weeks ago). It's the fear of pain combined with the feeling of helplessness. When they place a cloth over my face with just one opening for the cheek area and a light shining at that wound, I honestly feel like I'm at the mercy of whoever it is that is going to cut me up. Then the sharp pains will come either from the jabs or the poking of the area.

I wish with all my heart that this time it will really, really heal. I have a feeling that it will. Dr Chua actually gave me a choice to either wait a few more days to be 100% sure that the wound is clean before sewing it up, or to sew it up now because it looks clean enough. I took the chance to sew it up now cos I am really am quite drained over the whole process. I am praying hard that the next time I post, I will already be on the road to recovery.

P/S: I once again thank my family members and friends for all the care and concern shown through calls, texts etc. It's really very touching to know that everyone is praying for me and trying to cheer me up. I will try my very best to keep my spirits up.

Faith of a mustard seed

Everytime I read the passage about how we could move mountains if we have faith the size of a mustard seed, I always wonder how difficult that could be.

But now, as I go through this extremely testing period fighting the infection and feeling totally helpless about the whole situation, I finally understood what it means. I hate this rollar coaster ride of emotions. I hate acting like a child and crying over a wound that won't heal and keep oozing pus and blood, and the frustration that I can't even do simple things like washing my face or chew properly. I hate the fact that even though I am already trying to do everything I can - eating loads of vitamins, sleeping as much as I can, trying to stay cheerful (unsuccessfully), the situation ain't improving. And most of all, I hate myself for not even wanting to pray anymore cos I doubt it will help, AND THEN feeling guilty about not having enough faith.

I know that there is a reason for everything. I know that God is still in control and He won't make us go through something that we can't take. I know there is something to be learnt in the midst of the mess. It's just that, it is so depressing to fight both physical and mental exhaustion and pain, and at the same time, worry about what my bosses think about me taking time off and mc to see the doctor for the op, the infection, the second op and the daily dressing etc etc. It's a constant battle between me telling myself that I really need to rest and keep a relaxed mind in order for the wound to heal, and me feeling rather irresponsible for resting at home.

I have been showered with loads of words of encouragement, prayers, visits and phone calls these few weeks, and I feel thoroughly blessed and grateful to have so many wonderful people around me. I never like showing my emotions and am clumsy at comforting people, but now I realised that care and concern, even if it's just in the form of a text or email, really goes a long way to someone who is feeling despondent.

The battle is nevertheless internal, and I know I need to have more faith as an individual to get through this trial, which once again humbled me as it's the second time in two years that I realise I am not as strong a person as I thought I'd be... I need to once again go through the drill - hang on, wait, and trust.