Because FB account has been "infiltrated" by loads of colleagues, I feel that I can only air my work-related grievances here. But this is going to sound really weird.
I am utterly frustrated and unhappy that I have to burn my weekday evenings and weekends for 4 consecutive days for piles of silly work that I have to do. I have been working non-stop since Wed. I haven't exactly talked to hubs, my mom (who's been here since Thu) or my sis for the entire 4 days. But on the other hand, I feel secretly proud of the fact that I have produced 2 CL speech (+submission), 1 EL speech (+submission), 80% of a "research" report, and 40% of a write-up over this short span of time. And I really feel that the quality of work is already done to the best of my ability.
And in the meantime, I am still harbouring thoughts of seeking a 出路。Working in the currently org is like being with a boyfriend who makes me feel secured, yet I don't know if I love him or not... but I do feel guilty cos the family members are really nice to me. And they are trying to make me feel reassured by telling me that marriage is on the cards.
Should I break up with this boyfriend, and go out to the unknown? A senior whom I spoke to outside the toilet the other day said he/she recommmends me to do so. They always make it sound like there are a lot of big, bad wolves out there, he/she said, but it is not true.
So, boyfriend boyfriend, we patch back for a while but is our relationship meant to last? I really don't know. Any maybe I really want to find out if I can last outside without your love and protection. And admittedly, I am scared that the thought, too. Being with you just give me too much of a sense of stability that I know I probably won't find elsewhere.
Sigh. And that's why they said love and relationships are complicated matters.
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
First wedding anniversary celebration
I would use the word "adventurous" to describe our first wedding anniversary celebration.
What with losing our way (again!) at Pulau Ubin and taking what the guide described to be the toughest route... being scared to death by wild dogs fighting and the sudden unexpected appearance of a wild boar (wraggggggh!!!)... holding in my bladder as much as possible cos of the gigantic iguana in the toilet (grrr) ... and and and... just cycling round and round and taking loads of funny poseur photos and being totally oblivious to other tourists/visitors staring at us. (man, what's there to stare at huh?!) and of cos ending it all with a nice and simple zichar dinner at one of the "restaurants" (and going to Tampines to get camera stuff after that and of course to finally relieve myself)...
I enjoyed myself tremendously despite Mr. Jang's constant teasing about how I am not suited for Pulau Ubin, and that I always plan stuff to 自己吓自己. And all these are yet again reminders of why we are married. We poke fun at each other all the time. We laugh. We bicker. We make each other's blood boil. We wrestle. We pinch cheeks. We headlock etc etc... at the end of the day, it's a quiet understanding that we are free to talk about anything and be who we are without any barriers or restraints.
So here's to us... our first wedding anniversary. And many many more to come as we grow old together! When your skin is sagging, I will still be pinching your cheek. When I've forgotten who you are, you will still be poking fun at my planning. Wahaha... :)
Happy first anniversary dear. :D
What with losing our way (again!) at Pulau Ubin and taking what the guide described to be the toughest route... being scared to death by wild dogs fighting and the sudden unexpected appearance of a wild boar (wraggggggh!!!)... holding in my bladder as much as possible cos of the gigantic iguana in the toilet (grrr) ... and and and... just cycling round and round and taking loads of funny poseur photos and being totally oblivious to other tourists/visitors staring at us. (man, what's there to stare at huh?!) and of cos ending it all with a nice and simple zichar dinner at one of the "restaurants" (and going to Tampines to get camera stuff after that and of course to finally relieve myself)...
I enjoyed myself tremendously despite Mr. Jang's constant teasing about how I am not suited for Pulau Ubin, and that I always plan stuff to 自己吓自己. And all these are yet again reminders of why we are married. We poke fun at each other all the time. We laugh. We bicker. We make each other's blood boil. We wrestle. We pinch cheeks. We headlock etc etc... at the end of the day, it's a quiet understanding that we are free to talk about anything and be who we are without any barriers or restraints.
So here's to us... our first wedding anniversary. And many many more to come as we grow old together! When your skin is sagging, I will still be pinching your cheek. When I've forgotten who you are, you will still be poking fun at my planning. Wahaha... :)
Happy first anniversary dear. :D
Friday, January 7, 2011
Submission approved by Mr Jang
Dear Mr Jang
This is to seek Mr Jang’s approval for the plans for the first wedding anniversary on 9 Jan 2011. Details for the plan, as well as wet weather contingency, is as follows:
A) Simple, enjoyable and healthy outdoor activities – to change into sports gear and proceed for chicken rice lunch at Changi Village after church at 1.30pm. Thereafter, to board the bumboat ride at $2.50 per pax to Pulau Ubin and participate in a 3-hour bicycle ride. Mr Jang might wish to bring along your own bicycle helmet as well as the Lumix camera for photography. Thereafter, to proceed for a seafood/zichar dinner at one of the restaurants at Pulau Ubin before going home at 9pm. Should Mr. Jang feel unsatisfied with the zichar dinner, lasi lemak supper is available at the Changi Village hawker centre.
Mr Jang might wish to read up or download the Pulau Ubin map at: http://www.nparks.gov.sg/cms/index.php?option=com_visitorsguide&task=parks&id=29&Itemid=73.
B) Wet weather contingency plan – to have lunch at Mr Jang’s preferred restaurant/coffee shop after church. Thereafter, to proceed for a movie at Marina Square. Recommended title is “love and other drugs” (tickets are not booked yet as it depends on the weather on Sunday). Thereafter, to walk over to Marina Bay Sands and have dinner at Jin Shan, a renowned Chinese restaurant. Reservations have been made for two pax at 7.30pm.
Mr Jang might wish to find out more about the Chinese restaurant at: http://www.marinabaysands.com/Restaurants/Jin_Shan.aspx.
2 The above is submitted for Mr Jang’s approval please. Thank you.
Submitted by: Mrs Jang
Date: 7 Jan 2011
This is to seek Mr Jang’s approval for the plans for the first wedding anniversary on 9 Jan 2011. Details for the plan, as well as wet weather contingency, is as follows:
A) Simple, enjoyable and healthy outdoor activities – to change into sports gear and proceed for chicken rice lunch at Changi Village after church at 1.30pm. Thereafter, to board the bumboat ride at $2.50 per pax to Pulau Ubin and participate in a 3-hour bicycle ride. Mr Jang might wish to bring along your own bicycle helmet as well as the Lumix camera for photography. Thereafter, to proceed for a seafood/zichar dinner at one of the restaurants at Pulau Ubin before going home at 9pm. Should Mr. Jang feel unsatisfied with the zichar dinner, lasi lemak supper is available at the Changi Village hawker centre.
Mr Jang might wish to read up or download the Pulau Ubin map at: http://www.nparks.gov.sg/cms/index.php?option=com_visitorsguide&task=parks&id=29&Itemid=73.
B) Wet weather contingency plan – to have lunch at Mr Jang’s preferred restaurant/coffee shop after church. Thereafter, to proceed for a movie at Marina Square. Recommended title is “love and other drugs” (tickets are not booked yet as it depends on the weather on Sunday). Thereafter, to walk over to Marina Bay Sands and have dinner at Jin Shan, a renowned Chinese restaurant. Reservations have been made for two pax at 7.30pm.
Mr Jang might wish to find out more about the Chinese restaurant at: http://www.marinabaysands.com/Restaurants/Jin_Shan.aspx.
2 The above is submitted for Mr Jang’s approval please. Thank you.
Submitted by: Mrs Jang
Date: 7 Jan 2011
Saturday, January 1, 2011
wrote this on 30 Dec... on the flight back to HK :)
Year 2010
“It is in the act of facing the storm that you discover what lies inside you and decide what lies before you.”
It is that time of the year again where I (together with million others in the world, I presume) look back at how we have done in the past year and then set new resolutions for the coming year. Funny how, when I think back, that my resolutions are more or less the same year after year, and I never seem to be able to achieve them. Therefore this year, I should apply the backward engineering approach to see if I can come up with something more achievable. Let’s see, my confirmed plans for next year is to move to a new house, maybe try for a baby (?!), and… I don’t know, I guess the most “confirmed” plan I have is to not to have a plan (especially in terms of work) and just take things as it comes.
So many things have happened this year that were totally unexpected. Oh no no, the wedding IS part of the plan although I have openly admitted that I don’t know when I will ever be ready-ready since I am still such a girl inside. But my decision to quit my job and then come back is unexpected (that and the dramatic lunch with the bosses where I felt horribly apologetic and cried, yes, shame shame!) And then my involvement in church ministry is unexpected. Still feeling like a klutz cos not sure how to do it well but am sure that God will provide. Mr. Jang and I are already going to sign up for classes on this together. Yay! Love classes.
Ok, I am digressing and rambling all over the place here. But allow me to do so since it’s just once a year. Talking about doing well… yes I still have an almost insane tendency to want to do well for a lot of stuff. I want to be a good wife, a good sister, a good friend, a good colleague, a good worker, a good citizen etc. Is it possible for a person to be “good” in every role? I realised the problem with me is that I don’t care if it is a yes or a no, I just want to do it! And and and, greedy me want more than just to be “good”. I want to learn. I want to learn more about everything – the world, different languages, cooking stuff, arts & craft, work skills, health habits etc. Maybe that is the reason why I burn out so easily. I am greedy, and I take “live life to the fullest” a little too literally. Am bursting with so many things that I need to do that I am going at 1000km/h.
Coming back to the stuff that has happened this year, I think the best way to describe it is that things did not turn out the way I thought it would be. I had envisaged that I will continue to shine in my new posting. Yes, shine. I had no doubts about my ability to pick up new skills and adapt to a new environment, but I was wrong in that I did not expect myself to be torn between two places – home and work, and I did not adapt well in my new roles. Even till now I still cannot completely let go of the fact that I had overestimated myself. But then, I discovered that once I let go of my pride and accept a lesson in humility, I feel happier and stronger. Maybe it feels like accepting myself as an imperfect person for the first time, and then having the courage, energy and enthusiasm to start all over again?
“Your heart is revealed and your character is forged when life does not turn out the way you planned.”
Indeed. I learnt that I am a vulnerable, less-than-perfect person, and I have also become wiser and more patient with myself. If I could live all over again, there is not a single thing that I’d want to change.
So, here’s to 2010. May it be a lesson to not plan so much in advance, take things as it comes, and learn something from it, come what may.
And may 2011 be an even more unexpected year! Oh… exciting!!
“It is in the act of facing the storm that you discover what lies inside you and decide what lies before you.”
It is that time of the year again where I (together with million others in the world, I presume) look back at how we have done in the past year and then set new resolutions for the coming year. Funny how, when I think back, that my resolutions are more or less the same year after year, and I never seem to be able to achieve them. Therefore this year, I should apply the backward engineering approach to see if I can come up with something more achievable. Let’s see, my confirmed plans for next year is to move to a new house, maybe try for a baby (?!), and… I don’t know, I guess the most “confirmed” plan I have is to not to have a plan (especially in terms of work) and just take things as it comes.
So many things have happened this year that were totally unexpected. Oh no no, the wedding IS part of the plan although I have openly admitted that I don’t know when I will ever be ready-ready since I am still such a girl inside. But my decision to quit my job and then come back is unexpected (that and the dramatic lunch with the bosses where I felt horribly apologetic and cried, yes, shame shame!) And then my involvement in church ministry is unexpected. Still feeling like a klutz cos not sure how to do it well but am sure that God will provide. Mr. Jang and I are already going to sign up for classes on this together. Yay! Love classes.
Ok, I am digressing and rambling all over the place here. But allow me to do so since it’s just once a year. Talking about doing well… yes I still have an almost insane tendency to want to do well for a lot of stuff. I want to be a good wife, a good sister, a good friend, a good colleague, a good worker, a good citizen etc. Is it possible for a person to be “good” in every role? I realised the problem with me is that I don’t care if it is a yes or a no, I just want to do it! And and and, greedy me want more than just to be “good”. I want to learn. I want to learn more about everything – the world, different languages, cooking stuff, arts & craft, work skills, health habits etc. Maybe that is the reason why I burn out so easily. I am greedy, and I take “live life to the fullest” a little too literally. Am bursting with so many things that I need to do that I am going at 1000km/h.
Coming back to the stuff that has happened this year, I think the best way to describe it is that things did not turn out the way I thought it would be. I had envisaged that I will continue to shine in my new posting. Yes, shine. I had no doubts about my ability to pick up new skills and adapt to a new environment, but I was wrong in that I did not expect myself to be torn between two places – home and work, and I did not adapt well in my new roles. Even till now I still cannot completely let go of the fact that I had overestimated myself. But then, I discovered that once I let go of my pride and accept a lesson in humility, I feel happier and stronger. Maybe it feels like accepting myself as an imperfect person for the first time, and then having the courage, energy and enthusiasm to start all over again?
“Your heart is revealed and your character is forged when life does not turn out the way you planned.”
Indeed. I learnt that I am a vulnerable, less-than-perfect person, and I have also become wiser and more patient with myself. If I could live all over again, there is not a single thing that I’d want to change.
So, here’s to 2010. May it be a lesson to not plan so much in advance, take things as it comes, and learn something from it, come what may.
And may 2011 be an even more unexpected year! Oh… exciting!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)