To be a parent or not

Finished the last round of PA training session on public speaking with Diana Ser today. Wanted to post a photo of the session here but seriously, no one will look close to decent beside her. I have become a fan because she is so pretty! And she's got substance. It was the second time that I was sitting in and I was not bored at all.

Fave line of the day: "No matter how good you are, how hard you try, there will be a portion of the audience who will absolutely hate you. What do you do? Go to your room, lock the door, cry into your pillow, wipe your face, then go out again."

I like that. Rephrase it into i) you can't please everyone, ii) it's ok to feel sad, and iii) move on. Period.

She also gave two good parenting tips. One, make your child FEEL as if they have made the decision themselves. And two, sometimes, to communicate means NOT to communicate at all. Let your child reflect on the situation themselves.

We spent the afternoon with baby Claire who came by with her parents for a swim. For the first time, I truly realise how much committment and energy bringing up a child needs. I absolutely have no idea if I am ready to take on such responsibility, despite my self-proclaimed goal of closing shop at 30 years-old. I have no confidence at all in communicating with children, to maintain their attention and strike the balance between teaching them and playing with them.

Gosh. If only I don't have to go through the child's growing up age, and he/she heads straight to the adult phase where I can communicate with them in a rational manner.

Will I ever, ever be ready?

Sweetness from an almost stranger

I have set up an office FB account because I got to join a FB group for work and didn't want to scare people with my usual grouchy self. Have added a lady who has left before I came in as friend. I met her only once or twice when she came back to hand over something.

Have really refrained from posting grouchy/suicidal posts on this account because really, it was for a functional purpose. Therefore, was quite surprised when one day she PM me to ask me how I was and to take care. Perhaps it was because I felt that she was really a very nice lady and wouldn't tell on me, so I ended up telling her about the heavy workload, the ppl etc. The correspondence continued for a few days, and she was always very encouraging, giving me tips on what to expect from who and who etc etc and telling me that if it's really bad, just leave because someone she knew actually jumped because of stress.

I mean, to have her show even the tiniest bit of concern, when I almost don't know her at all, really make me marvel at how such kind souls still exist in the workplace today. If everyone is as nice as her, work and life in general will definitely be much more bearable and enjoyable.

My Thursday

Here's the evidence that I've always been an uptight kid. Barely one year old and I'm already having the "eeeeergh" expression with clenched fist.



Suay suay tonight is the only night that I didn't bring my laptop home and was asked by my AD to send one submission for clearance. Chased by media again for the umpteenth time, and wasn't able to concentrate on my long awaited steamboat dinner. Yes, that was the reason for my broken telephone line syndrome... wasn't really listening the convo. Sorry guys. hee. (sheepish)

Anyway, no matter how bad or good the day has been, it is still a day that the Lord has made. Will rejoice and be glad in it! And what's the other song? Yes, He holds the future and I can face tomorrow because He lives!

Jia you!

With a pinch of salt

Had to work this morning cos we were running a training session for the PAs. Thank God the session ended on time. Managed to grab a short lunch with Mr. Jang before heading off to meet Faye at Parkway (missed her so!).

Anyway, we went to this cafe in Katong called "with a pinch of salt". Food and price were quite OK (similar to "everything with fries") but what attracted me was the decor. There was a kind of girly cutesy feel to it. It was quite deserted when we reached cos they had just finished a birthday party for kids and were cleaning up the place.

Anyway, not recommending the place if you are looking for good food, but it's a nice enough hangout if you want to just chit-chat over simple drinks.

My not-so-bad-afterall Wednesday

Ok, I know I looked super 披头散发+油腻+包包脸 (read: horrible) here but these are the stuff that would brighten up my day. The green bag I was holding contained half a fluffy cheese cake, which we finished this very evening. Yep, me + Mr. Jang + Sis. Sis refused to be in the photo cos she claimed that she looked terrible. As if I looked any better.

Anyway, thanks to Hwei and JY for the SMSes today. Simple SMSes but they lifted the corners of my mouth on an otherwise grumpy face.

Mais pourquoi...

Took MC again today cos the headache that had been bugging me on and off since last Thu got worse. Only way to relieve it was to smack the top of the head continuously, but this almost always got me scolded by either Sis or Mr. Jang. I hope the pain killers from the doctor works.

I must really really jiayou. Cannot go on feeling drained and falling sick all the time.

But am already exercising quite regularly, eating healthily (or at least made the attempt to), and sleeping as early as I can on regular days. It can't possibly be a mental illness cos despite the usual grouchiness towards work (which I think is quite common), I think I am generally a happy person.

So what the heck is wrong with me??!

Easter Sunday

It's Easter Sunday today. The church was packed this morning because we had a combined service instead of the usual 9.30am/11.30am slots.

Congrates to Al, who got baptised this Easter. Praise God!

Not sure if it's God's way of speaking to me but this morning's sermon about fear and faith was wonderful. And as if it wasn't enough, when we went for Rev Gan's mother's funeral this evening, the pastor talked about not just having faith (信仰), but to have confidence (信心) as well.

I don't have confidence that I will be able to meet people's expectations all the time, but I have confidence that wherever He leads, He will provide. He won't dump me in a place and leave me there to struggle and rot by myself.

So thank you again, Lord. In Your time, You gave me enough setbacks to remind me to be humble, and at the same time you inject encouragement and praises here and there to help me go on. You are simply wonderful. :)

A very enjoyable Saturday

Had a wonderful Saturday R&R-ing with Mr. Jang. Woke up at 11.30am and after taking my own sweet time to wash up, we headed to Orchard 313 in search of The Pink Dress for Sis' wedding in May. But alas, no such luck. Not even after shifting our operation to Takashimaya. Now I realised now much my own jiemeis had gone through to find That Royal Purple Dress for my own wedding earlier this year. (Sorry, ladies!)

On a separate note, JOOP at 313 was having a sale and I bought 4 tops and a mini skirt for a total price of $50 within 30 mins. I love a good sale, especially when there was a big sign at the door that said "nothing above $19.90". :D

Mr. Jang and I also officially started our mattress hunting today. The current love of our lives is this super comfy mattress at Sealy (Posturepedic/Grand Pinnacle) but it came at a whopping price of $12,000 after discount (original price is $16,000). Looks like we'd have to work real hard if we want to buy this, unless we don't get a car so soon, or my next job could give me a 25% increase from my current pay. Haha... but yes, time to really start doing up the budget and saving up again.

Good Friday

The English Presbyterian churches' combined service at Expo was covered in CNA today. Couldn't find the video (which had footages on how Jesus had suffered and was eventually crucified) but there was a brief report (see here). Was quite impressed with the programme this year, especially with how well the members had acted out the emotional scenes leading up to the crucification.

Definitely tugged at my heartstrings. Just like how the movie The Passion of the Christ did a few years before, especially when they sang Via Dolorosa.



(If you can't view the video, click here)

Thank you, Father, for the strong reminder that we are all sinners before Christ and should love and forgive unconditionally and wholeheartedly, just like Christ did.

Big sigh... I did it again...

Not good.

I saw Mr. Jang sitting on the sofa of the office lobby, playing with his iPhone when I knocked off from work this evening. He had called me earlier to say that he "reached", and I happily thought that he had "reached" Orchard (where we were supposed to have dinner) and was shopping around while he waited for me. First reaction was "So sweet! He came to surprise me!" But that quickly turned into guilt when I realised that it was me who didn't bother to take note of what he was saying on the phone earlier on cos I was so engrossed with work. That he had "reached" BN MRT and was walking over. And I made him wait around in the quiet lobby for more than half an hour.

Thank God for having an iPhone to kill time. But argh.

I had promised him last year that this year things will be better, and I will be able to spend quality time with him. But from the look of it, things did not get better. If anything, it had gotten worse.

Big argh.

I do not like this at all. Not one bit.