Life is... to live.

I drove a friend to a clinic at Stanford for her prenatal check-up today because her husband is away at a meeting in the city. A sweet lady whom I met once and got to know through an ex-colleague.

We went for lunch together before the appointment and chatted casually about life in USA. I knew from her blog that it hasn't been an easy pregnancy because she had pre-existing health conditions. I had expected her check-up to be long which I didn't mind at all and was all ready to wait with my book till she was done.

What I didn't expect was that after she came out from the doctor's, she told me that she had to do additional tests and might have to stay in the hospital till her delivery in March. I didn't understand fully what the complications are but that her condition might deteriorate very fast and the doctors wanted to err on the side of caution. I drove her to the hospital and offered to wait with her but she told me to go home first because it will be a long wait.

I'm not sure why I feel very down after hearing the news. Once again it hit me how often we take our own health for granted. I push my brain, my heart, my eyes, my back to the point of pain for work, and then to de-stress I load my body with wine, beer, fried/processed food. I never love my health.

I never stop to let myself breathe and enjoy life until now.

Funny how when I look back at the happiest moments of my life, it was when I was living on a budget. There are so many things I can't do when I am living on a budget that I start to take advantage of the free and cheap things I can do. Borrow books from the library, take a walk in the park, call parents/grandparents to talk, cook, exercise... and all these makes me feel that I'm consciously living.

Happiness really, really comes in taking time to live.

 

Inspired by Alice

The Mad Hatter stops midway in making hats for the Red Queen and asks Alice Kingsley in horror: "Have I gone mad?

Alice pretends to check his temperature. "I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers."

"But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are," she adds.

The Mad Hatter smiles.

Alice in Wonderland was running on ABC Family and Mr. Jang was commenting how boring the story was. But I've always found the storyline intriguing, even inspirational.

I've gone bonkers too... because I've told Mr. Jang that I'm training to become Nikita. Other than picking up jogging again, I'm doing daily stretches, crunches, push-ups and muscle toning exercies.

Too far a target?

Alice expressed horror at the enemy's monstrous champion: "This is impossible."

The Mad Hatter replied: "Only if you believe it is."

Too bad the only ass I got to 'kick' is Mr. Jang's. Haha.

Home after a 5-km run.

My best kick ass pose.

Grow old with me

Something about this photo moved me. I think it speaks of the admiration this uncle has for his lady companion while she went on stage to sing.

He even whipped out his camera and took a photo of her.

I think there is nothing sweeter in this world than knowing that love is still in the air even as you reach your 70s. (^ ^)



Everybody wants to be a hero

It would be quite a pointless question if I were to ask how many people have watched the Avengers. It's one of the hotttest, most action packed movies this season and clearly everyone, or at least 8 out of 10 people, would have seen it.

I grew up with Heman, Sheila and other superheros in HK when I was young too. As a child, I dreamt of flying, doing dangerous stunts, rescuing victims and getting my face plastered all over the newspapers so that the citizens can applaud in awe of my bravery and humanly-impossible heroic acts.

There is nothing wrong with having a hero to look up too, whether they are fictitious or real. It also teaches us that good always triumps over evil. But as I grew older, come across different people and witness different politics in the course of work, I took a different perspective on this issue and ask: Do we really need to be a (super)hero?

1. The superhero wins all the time
The superhero always triumps at the end of the movie. It's a given - no matter what obstacles they come across, they will ride over it (most of the time with their super powers) and gain victory. Good lessons learnt on using your wit, assets and abilities. But learning how to deal with defeats are equally important as gaining victory. Without tasting defeat, and learning how to accept them, you will not experience the true joy of success. Are we then teaching our kids enough about defeat, so that when they grow up, they learn to handle it graciously, take it in their stride, and try harder next time?

2. The superhero is always right
The superhero is always right - his predictions, his reasoning... his words has a sense of aura around him. We always want to be right too, to gain that recognition from others that we smarter, more intelligent, and more enlightened than the rest. But the fact is, we can never always be right! So don't assume for a second that we can. The sooner we accept that, the better we are in being humble in our atttitude in continuous learning.

3. The villain is bad, bad, bad
The villain is always bad in the movie and we are taught that following his ways will lead us to doomsville. But in real life, are we confusing "villains" with just simply nasty people? Putting aside the unpleasant feeling of dealing with theses people, can we find something that we can learn? Develop a habit of staying objective (and sometimes immune) to the meanness of the other person, and then we can find that there is something to be learnt, even from the "villain"!

Une goutte de pluie

Tout ce que je veux, c'est devenir une goutte de pluie. Je voyagerai le monde tout entier et quand j'arrive a la fin de ma vie, j'irais au paradis.

 

Lessons learnt

During my work review with J a few days ago, I was sharing with her that my one-month break really helped me put a lot of things into perspective. Was a bit taken aback when she asked me what exactly I have learnt cos I thought bosses in general, erm, don't really have an indepth interest in these kind of things... like they'd only nod nod and say, "really? good for you." then proceed to discuss next year's targets etc.

Anyway, it was a good question because it made me want to write down the lessons learnt, so that I will always remember them.

So here goes (not in order of priority):

#1: Everyday can be a holiday, if you learn how to slow down and look at things in an appreciative, fascinated manner. You know how things are always so "wow, cool!" when you go on a holiday, and then you want to snap down everything you have seen? Well, if you learn to look at the things around you in that perspective, you will find that even a journey from the carpark to the office is quite "wow, cool!".

#2: Remember to love in every sense. "We love because God first loved us". Love your life by stay healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. Spend time reading the bible, praying and finding that inner peace. Quit activities that are damaging to your health. Love your family by spending quality time with them. Never, never, never let work take priority in your life. You have to be responsible at work, but you also have to be responsible towards your family. Love your friends by giving encouragement and support. Help those in need!

#3: Listen, really. I was reading the marriage communication book (loaned from church) during my break. There is a lot of good stuff in the book and one important lesson is to learn to listen without interrupting or prejudice in your heart. Have patience, and be kind in your words even during disagreements. Affirm one annother instead. There is really no need to win every argument, if you have already win the heart and respect of the other.

#4: Don't take yourself so seriously, cos... nobody else is taking you THAT seriously. Be yourself, be goofy if you wish, and laugh heartily! :) Have positive self-talk at all times!

#5: Life is beautiful, despite occasions which may have indicated otherwise. There is so much more to be cherished and appreciated in life than to dwell on incidents which have been less than pleasant. Look at the sky, smell the air, feel the sunshine. Life IS beautiful. :)

bon courage!

It's been a month since I've started my French lessons at Alliance and although my vocab has somewhat expanded, I am not making as much progress as I'd like to. Having said, that's the problem with most "leisure" courses... yes, you pay the money, but no you don't want to spend too much effort. Afterall, it's a course that you take for recreation purposes.

BUT! I am not called 尽责 or nerdball or whatever-it-is these days for nothing. I have made up my mind that I'm gonna work real hard to polish up my French. My ultimate goal is to speak as well as a native speaker.... in 5 years' time? Not a very ambitious goal but at least I'm working towards something!

SO! My plan is to do self-study after work... or at least on days where I don't have to rush out speeches/admin programmes etc etc or go out for dinner with friends/family. I foresee that my life is going to be a real busy one... cos I've also said that I will exercise more to stay healthy and fit. And I will study the bible every night before I sleep. Plus, have also signed myself (and Mr. Jang) up for the church's children/youth ministry. Not sure if we will be assigned anything but am quite keen to do more in this area. :D

Life is short, so am making my time here as meaningful as possible.... by concrete actions and not just by saying only like what I used to do! Allez bon courage! Pas pour mon propre honneur, mais pour le Votre!

my choice... :)

I realise that it's so much easier to whine and complain and feel grouchy and angry. Staying cheerful and positive actually takes a lot a lot of effort.

But I know it's worth it. At the end of the day, I live with myself for the rest of my life, and I want me to be a happy healthy person, hence am making the choice to stay zen and peaceful come what may.

Not easy... but practice makes perfect.:)

做好事,说好话, 存好心

Have been watching 宫心计for the past few weeks and admiring 三好's motto of "做好事,说好话, 存好心".

Let me add that doing good deeds, saying good things, and maintaining a good/kind heart is not as easy as one thinks and takes a lot of courage. Also, better make sure that what you believe to be"good" is really good.

And just this week, the lyrics of a hymn I used to sing a lot popped into my mind when I was feeling a little down and uncertain again.

"Grant that I may never seek, so much to be consoled as to console, to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love with all my soul."

Beautiful words that teach us not to be self-centred and seek everyone to be on your side of the argument, but to constantly try to help others by giving consolation, understanding and loving whole-heartedly.

Jiayou jiayou!

Sweetness from an almost stranger

I have set up an office FB account because I got to join a FB group for work and didn't want to scare people with my usual grouchy self. Have added a lady who has left before I came in as friend. I met her only once or twice when she came back to hand over something.

Have really refrained from posting grouchy/suicidal posts on this account because really, it was for a functional purpose. Therefore, was quite surprised when one day she PM me to ask me how I was and to take care. Perhaps it was because I felt that she was really a very nice lady and wouldn't tell on me, so I ended up telling her about the heavy workload, the ppl etc. The correspondence continued for a few days, and she was always very encouraging, giving me tips on what to expect from who and who etc etc and telling me that if it's really bad, just leave because someone she knew actually jumped because of stress.

I mean, to have her show even the tiniest bit of concern, when I almost don't know her at all, really make me marvel at how such kind souls still exist in the workplace today. If everyone is as nice as her, work and life in general will definitely be much more bearable and enjoyable.

Lovely Sunday

I know that I will regret choosing to go out tonight instead of working. BUT I have never felt happier just sitting there at Georges Bar, drinking ice lemon tea, munching on finger food with Mr. Jang and his friends, and listening to them talk.

Life is short. Take time to do stuff that you enjoy.

Learning through experience...

Was watching 酒店风云, and the character played by 苗乔伟 said "没有人生下来就什么都会，都是从经验中学出来的". How encouraging to hear this, just when I am trying my best to learn the ropes as fast as I can, and feeling a little stressed in the process.

This shall be my motto for the year then.

Reflections

Have been reflecting on quite a bit of things in the past few weeks: work, relationship, friendship, family, personal life etc. Realised that actually life could be very simple. You can do the things you like, you can live the way you like. Nobody can stop you from doing what you want to do. The thing is, I think people put pressure on themselves sometimes because they are scared of the consequences when they don't follow the norm. Not a lot of people will admit this but I think it's true. All of us are scared to a certain extent of being criticised/laughed at/ostracised etc etc right. So everyone tries (to a certain extent) to live the way people expect us to. And when we don't do what is expected, or don't follow the norm, the pressure to "justify" our actions comes. Either way, we ended up being super tired - doing the things that are expected of us, and then trying hard to justify it when we don't. So why not we just do the things we want? I don't laugh at you for being you, so don't laugh at me for being me. Period.

Second thing is, I really don't want my faith to be a faith of convenience. I really want to mean the things I say, and to believe what I say I believe. Not to mould certain things in a way I want it to be, just so that I can justify my actions. Yes means yes. No means no. A clear distinction between what is right and wrong. And if I had done wrong, I admit it. The lunch with F the other day, and the difference I sense in bro, touched me. Really really.

Third thing is, I don't think I am suited for the job, primarily in terms of the level of energy needed. I've been in the service for a total of 3 years now and have been falling sick continuously - I don't think this can go on. Not that I don't like the job (in fact, I do), just that between work and health, I will definitely choose the latter. So after this year's project, and possibly another one next year, I will make plans to slow down and scale down. And find time to enjoy the last couple of years of being a 20 plus.

At last... an update!

It's been a month since I last wrote. :) What have I done since then?

1) Went Europe for a fantastic holiday.
2) Got myself engaged! (in Paris)
3) Came back to a pile of work
4) Started semester 2 at the university

I recalled that when I first started this blog, I was feeling rather depressed because I felt that I had lost myself. No sense of direction; no sense of purpose.

This year, I'm feeling strangely motivated. There are still tons of work to deal with everyday, school work is hectic, and I still find myself working late and bringing work home. But I feel better about it. Like, there is some kinda energy inside me.

I think the trip to Europe did me good. A strong wake up call for me to love myself, slow down, and just take time to enjoy life. So I try to look at things the way I would when I'm on a holiday i.e. with the attitude that everything I see is new and interesting. I sit at Bread Talk to have proper breakfast (sandwich and coffee) before heading to the office. I (try my best to) sleep early and at least have 8 hours of rest everyday.

So far the plan worked (well, at least most of the time!) and I'm really quite happy. :)

I think really, people should make time for life.