Goodbye, 大婆婆

She was always old, quiet and awkward. A little out of place in family gatherings.

I recalled Mom telling me when I was little that it was a unhappy relationship between her, my grandpa and grandma. She was my grandpa's first wife. Apparently, my grandpa was forced to marry her upon her father's request but the one he really loves is my grandma, the second wife.

I guess it was really complicated back then and I was certainly in no position to comment. But I often wonder what was going through her mind all these years. Unloved? Grandpa has always stayed with Grandma while she stayed alone in a small flat at Wong Dai Sin, a low-income area. When she got older and frailer, an uncle out of good intentions married a Chinese woman to help take care of her. An ugly confrontation ensued when my aunt later found out that 大婆婆 was tied to a chair all day.

So she went to the old folks' home. It was a nice building on top of a hill, opposite Queen Mary hospital in Pok Fu Lam. Because of the close proximity to my parents' place, we visited her a few times when we were in Hong Kong. She was extremely pleased to see us and even more happy when we gave her a red packet for Chinese New Year. I never knew if she took notice of us cos we are not her direct sons/daughters/grandchildren. But she remembered our names. She said my father was the most obedient of the lot. She was sad when we said we had to leave. I told myself to develop a photo of us with her, so that she can stick it by her bedside wardrobe.

Days before her death, before I even know she was getting weaker, I finally had that photo developed. I was going to ask BIL to take it back for me. That photo didn't make it. I wished I had done it earlier. I had more than a year to do so. So I don't know what to do with the photo now. I will just take it back with me when I fly back tomorrow for the funeral.

I realised that no matter whether you are close to that person or not, losing a family member is painful. So 大婆婆, rest well in heaven. You will have plenty of love now, as a cherished child of God. No more suffering.