I had a couple of encounters with pitiful old folks these two days after office hours in Shenton way. Yesterday, while I was walking towards the car park to meet Sis, I saw a frail old lady standing near the traffic light. Unlike most persistent tissue-selling aunties, this old lady looked a bit lost and was standing some distance away from the passers-by with her arms half out-stretched, as if she didn't want to bother people with her packets of tissue. Something about the lonely sight of her tugged at my heartstrings and I approached her with the intention to buy three packets. I found out that she didn't have change for a $5 note, so I said: "Auntie, 没关系，给我三包就好了". But she insisted on handing me the entire packet: "没关系的，你可以拿回家慢慢用." I didn't want to deprive her of the entire packet since she looked so pitiful, so I bluffed her and said I have no space in my bag and she would only need to give me three packets. The funny thing was once I said that, she seemed to sense that I was taking pity on her and she retreated, saying it's ok I can come back and buy next time when I have change and I should go now that the traffic light has turned green. And then, she wobbled away into the crowd...
This evening, while I was again walking towards the MRT to meet Sis, I saw a thin old man pushing a cart up the slope in front of Singapore Land Tower. There was a woman seated in the cart and her hair was real short - the kind of hairstyle people would see on cancer patients. I could tell that the old man was having difficulties pushing the cart, cos it was inching closer and closer towards the wall. I hesitated, then asked: "Uncle, 需要帮忙吗?" The uncle was so focused on pushing the cart that he didn't hear me, but the old lady seated in the cart did. She gave me a small smile and said: "没关系". I didn't insist, partly because I was rushing for time, and partly because I didn't know if I should ask again. In the end, I just smiled back and walked away, but I couldn't resist looking back to see if they are alright...
I know I've always had a soft spot for old people, and my heart truly goes out to them. But what I realised from these two episodes is the amount of respect I have for people with 骨气. In both instances, they could have easily received help from me or for that old auntie, she could have asked for $10 and I could have given her. But she did not. And that's what makes her so lovable and in my definition, worthy of help and love. They maintained their dignity even when they are in a really dire state.
On the contrary, I also came to realise what little patience and love I have for people who are constantly griping about their apparent misfortunes and are unappreciative. I have subconsciously developed this bad habit of categorising people into "lovables" and "unlovables" and then correspondingly into "worthy" or "not worthy" of love and help. To the best of my effort, very few people I know fall into the "unlovable" category and my pool of "lovables" are definitely much bigger in comparison. But once a person has fallen into the "unlovable" category, it probably will take a miracle to shift that person back to the other more loving category.
By reflecting on this point, I realised in horror what a judgmental person I am. I said it's a bad habit because, for goodness' sake, who am I to judge? In the first place, although I try to be the best person I could, I am definitely not that lovable all the time either.
So what should I do? I figured that as much as I try not to, the human in me will still be judgmental to a certain extent, so instead of forcing myself not to categorise people, the better way to tackle this problem would be to first learn how to treat everyone with the same kind of love? It is a tough job because let's face it, some people can be really unbearable... (oh crap, here I go again, bad grace). But perhaps the way to do it is to start with the people around me first. I have already identified a couple who will likely feel a strange and forced sense of brightness from me the next few days. It's going to be awkward but I will try.
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